Maybe you’re friend with somebody just by habit, chemistry being dead for a long time now. Just break it up. Tell him. Ok, let’s unfriend us, this will not work. It will bring up something you thought you lost it long ago: courage.
All the lose ends in your social life are dragging you down, even if you don’t notice this directly. If you’re just “showing up” for a friendship, you’ll spend time and energy that you don’t really want to.
Not to mention that if you only simulate friendship, you will get back another simulation. If you mime your exchange, expect to receive back a fake too. It’s far more easier to just break up.
Don’t hold grudges and if you can, make a celebration out of it. Smile because it happened.
The Benefits Of A Break Up
I know it sounds awkward, and, to some extent, it really is. Breaking up is never easy. But, in so many circumstances, it’s also healthy. And necessary. So, how do you actually do it?
First of all, you should assess the real status of the friendship. Is this thing really working? Is this thing really benefitting both parts? Is this thing balanced? If you find the answer to all these 3 questions to be “no”, than you can proceed to the first step.
And the first step is to evaluate what you will lose because of this breakup. There is no black and white relationship, and there is no total and final benefit of breaking a relationship, however dysfunctional or imbalanced it may be. There will be some lose ends. There will be some things that you will regret. Take them into account before you start to act. Make peace with them. Accept the losses, and think that they are a part of the process.
Then move to the second step: make a clear evaluation of what you may be obtain out of it. Will your life be really better after that? And how? Will your social circle be easier to maintain? Will you feel lighter? If all the answers to these questions will be “yes”, then you can actually start the process.
Meet somewhere, be gentle and polite and let the other person know you’re not on the same level anymore. Doesn’t mean you’re higher and the other one is lower, it simply means that you went out of sync. It’s important to be upfront and honest. It’s important to meet in person. It’s important to let the other one know that, no matter how toxic your relationship was, you still respect him or her as a human being. That’s fundamental. That’s something that I’ve struggled with for years and, in all honesty, only recently came to terms with. When I was younger I had this nasty habit of just leaving. No signs, no nothing.
Nowadays, I try to be more straightforward. It’s ok that we don’t get along. It’s ok that we don’t have the same likes and dislikes. And it’s ok to let the other person know about that.
One of the most important benefits of breaking up a toxic relationship is the lesson. Of course, ceasing the toxic intake is obviously one of the most important ones, but even before that, the mere realization of the fact that a relationship is not useful anymore, well, that’s a breakthrough. That’s something we can take in and use later on. That’s life experience. And that will shield us in the future, it will lower the risk of repeating the same mistake again and again.
And the second most important benefit when you break up with a person you don’t really like is the freedom you give both to yourself and to the other one.
Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner
The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”
And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.
Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.
If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.