You’ve been there, admit it. You had your share of aggressive thoughts, intentions or even actions. You did at least something in your life with violence and aggressiveness. And now you regret it.
Let’s stop a little and look at this closer. Because I think in its core, aggressiveness is something that you can use. Or re-use. Or, even better, re-cycle.
What Is Aggressiveness?
Aggressiveness is a violent stream of actions performed in order to change your reality. Behind this rather dry definition is a ready to erupt volcano, and I know it. You also felt it more than once in your life. But the truth is aggressiveness is just something you do in order to change something in your surroundings. And as such, it is a part of your life.
More than often I found myself acting aggressively only and only where there was no other way around. Or so I thought. I acted violently after I tried every possible way and had no results, after I did everything I could and my surroundings were still unchanged. Then, as a last resort, I used aggressiveness to break the chain.
The bad thing was that in the process some other stuff was broken. This is what happens usually when you become aggressive: you break stuff instead of building stuff. You break glasses, you break windows, some powerful people break even walls and some other people break hearts. And then regret came.
That’s the aggressiveness pattern: a strong feeling of pressure, a high moment of “fight or flight” which usually triggers the real actions, and then regret. This is how aggressiveness usually works.
Our society is working now in a very balanced way. The cells of our modern society are more than often educated individuals who know how to deal with pressuring situations. You learn the rules of a peaceful cohabitation from a very young age. You also have external tools or options to chose when you face a threat. Nowadays people seldom find themselves in “fight or flight” situations”. So, you don’t need to use aggressiveness to normally socialize.
But there were times in which society was quite hectic and the normal balance we experience today was a dream. In fact, every major shift in history was a revolution or something like that. Seems that humanity advanced by turmoil rather than organic growth. And turmoil is extremely aggressive.
Still, society puts a lot of constraints on the individual. Those widely advertised success mirages and dream like lifestyles can create enormous pressure on a regular guy. Striving to attain high standards is more and more difficult. And when your regular arsenal of tools is empty you get to your last resort: aggressiveness.
When the ladder is too crowded you start pushing people away. When your time is limited, you start eliminating “distractions” like friends or even family. When there is only one place for a winner you start to fight every other competitor. Without even knowing, you’re in a “fight or flight” situation again.
After you aggressively achieved what you wanted, you usually assess your current position. And it’s always the moment after when you realize that you’ve broken a lot of stuff around you in this effort. And then came regret. I haven’t found any single aggressiveness manifestation which wasn’t paired with a good dose of regret in the end.
Regret is a toxic emotion. It’s a craving for an extinct reality which puts you out of your current reality. Regret means: I want everything to be againÂ as it was before. That thing it’s impossible but the unspeakable need for a comforting surrounding is huge. Regret takes all you energy and invest it in an useless effort to twist your current reality toward the past.
A Shortcut For More Energy
I gave the social constraints example only because it’s so easy to see it around you but social pressure is not the only cause for an aggressive behavior. The source of your aggressiveness can be everything that caused you imbalance: lack of comfort, lack of emotional healing, lack of material resources. Every imbalance you experienced can become fuel for your future aggressive behaviors.
Every aggressive move aims to change your current reality, to free you from a more or less imaginary pressure.
And because of that, aggressiveness is a fantastic shortcut to your inner power. This is something that is always left apart when it comes to aggressiveness, nobody talks about its power, its fantastic forcefulness, its vibrancy. All that sparkle is there, and it’s so difficult to find it using other paths. Aggressiveness is a gate to your hidden energy rooms, to your unexpected bursts of stamina, to your effervescence reservoir. In itself, aggressiveness is nothing but pure energy. The only bad thing about it is the direction. Aggressiveness is great energy with bad direction.
Why? Because you point it outside, you release it instead of use it. Ever saw an aggressive person actually breaking a wall with his fist? Every noticed the fantastic power around an aggressive person? What a waste! Think what you can do if you could transform that energy into something really useful to you. Imagine the things you can have if all that energy would be accessed, assessed and spent wisely…
The Alchemical Guide For Aggressiveness
So here comes a short practical guide for transforming aggressiveness. In fact, is not for transforming aggressiveness into something else, I’m really not into getting rid of aggression altogether, I really think this is part of our life and must live with it. Is more like tweaking some of its components and turn it into something you can handle, instead of becoming somebody who is used by aggressiveness.
Assess Your Imbalances
Be very honest with yourself and don’t refuse things you really want. Hidden desires or unfulfilled self-promises are amongst the most frequent aggressiveness triggers. Your own universe must be at ease, don’t twist it just because somebody else want that. Sooner or later you’ll want to eliminate the twister and you’ll do it in an aggressive way. Just say what you want and try to get it. Being honest with yourself is not only so much easier than to concoct incredibly complicated lies, but is also a great prophylactic.
Cure Your Imbalances
If you don’t have something do your best to have it or at least do yourself a service and accept you can’t have it and move on. There are only two ways to solve this desire thing: either you get it, either you get rid of it. Being honest with yourself and assessing your desires is great, but this second step needs action. Go out and confront your hidden wishes with your reality. Getting out of your current reality and searching for solutions will not only increase the chances for cure, but it will also give you some fresh insights: maybe you don’t even need that, after all. Cure you balances or forget them.
Accept Your Power
You do have a huge power within you. It’s the power that breaks the wall driven by only your bare fist. Accept it, make it your friend, feed it. It’s your power to transform the world and it’s there, don’t deny it, don’t cover it with fake pinky positive behavior without any support. Positive thinking is good, but you still have the power to break the wall behind you if your positive thinking is not yet strong enough. Just because it’s wilder than you can understand, and comes from a darker side of yourself, well, that doesn’t make it less usable. It’s there, accept it and get ready to use it. Just don’t break the wall with it anymore. Try to build something, for a change.
You are the source of your power and you are the author of your reality. You did it. So, why regret it? If it’s broken, you can build it up again. Don’t waste your time in useless energy traps, regret is toxic.
Seeing the world on black and white can be disempowering. Just because aggressiveness is usually a destructive pattern, leaving room only for regret, that doesn’t mean it can’t be used. Aggressiveness is not something outside you, unless you make it be. It’s always your inner energy that manifests. Just use it wisely.
Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner
The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”
And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.
Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.
If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.