There’s something about autumn that I like a lot. I’m not enjoying it, but I deeply resonate with it.
It’s hard to describe, because it’s not a feeling, although it triggers feelings. It’s more like a process, an unseen, yet very present alchemical transformation that it’s going on continuously, in silence.
The most visible part of this process is in the leaves carpet. There’s this red-yellow blanket of leaves covering the ground, sometimes thin, just a few scattered brown palms, sometimes thick, like a mattress, absorbing your steps in cotton like embraces. It’s everywhere. And it seems to have appeared suddenly, out of nowhere. It’s just there, and you know it’s doing something.
Well, that something, that process that the leaves are igniting is what I like. I don’t enjoy it, because it’s a little death. But I like it a lot.
The leaves are dead now, separated form their life source. But in this limbo, in this carpet in which they still preserve a bit of life, they are slowly transferring it into the ground. They are becoming the source of the yet to be born trees. They aren’t technically dying, as their dissolution is more of a transformation, a subtle morphing into a different kind of life. But they are disappearing from the shape that supported them so far.
Autumn is like this. OId, obsolete processes are detached from their life source, into this carpet covering the ground, becoming source for the new life that will emerge in a few months.
I confess I feel very good in this limbo, in this carpet in which I’m not yet free from the old, and not yet part of the new. In the beginning I was confused and lost every time this happened. Autumn was weird. Not anymore. I find this place, and this process, very powerful. In a way, I’m embracing it, but it’s too much to say about it. The process isn’t about me, it’s a universal dance in which I’m just a part. Still, I ride the wave.
I still don’t know what type of life I will be living in a few months, I have no idea how spring will look like. All I know the process has started and I’m dancing with it.
Photo by Meghan Schiereck on Unsplash