Our paths are a never ending maze: sometimes they cross violently, for short amounts of time, while other times they go together, harmoniously, in the same direction, for years. We get to know and walk along with persons that are just sparks in our lives, lightning our path for just the blink of an eye, or sometimes we have the luck to enjoy constant, long lasting, warming flames with friends and partners.
But even when we get to share our paths with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean we “vibe” the same way.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. When are we sharing our lives with people who can’t actually be on the same step with us? And what happens then?
There are two major classes of “out of vibe, but together” situations. One is happening when and if you have children, and the other happens when you “grow apart, but still walk together”.
The first situation is easier, and, to be honest, is a blessing. You share your path with that tiny little person for a while, but you’re already committed to support and educate. For as long as this is necessary, or for as long as the other part still receives this support and guidance. So, this one was easy.
The other one, though, is a bit more complex, and quite saddening, in the beginning. It’s when people with whom you had a genuine interaction go wild. They change their beliefs, their approaches, their perspectives in such a dramatic way, that you can barely recognize them. Sometimes it happens slowly, and tendencies that were just small symptoms in the beginning tend to activate and became chronic imbalances. And sometimes it happens suddenly, after some deep, shocking event (like a global pandemic, for instance).
The thing that saddens me the most is that, following this change, the channel to that person is becoming clogged. It’s like a pipe which is still there, but it doesn’t let the fluid flow freely. It’s still the same person, and you may still share the same path, yet their thoughts and their actions are of someone else’s.
Sometimes they change in a “good” direction, meaning that even if you’re not sharing the same vibe, they’re still stable, self-supporting and somehow thriving.
But most of the times this change is more like a slippage into the abyss. Like if they start becoming conspiracy theories supporters, or think the Earth is flat. Yes, it happens.
So, what do you do when this is happening? Is it still worth to play your music to someone who can’t hear you?
Like I said, I’ve been thinking a lot at this lately.
And my answer is: “play only if you’re heard”.
No need to make a drama out of it, on the contrary. A silent, discrete repositioning, while still keeping the gates open, is what works best. Yes, you don’t believe in the same conspiracy theories, but that doesn’t mean you should make some drama out of it. There’s no one looking, anyway. Yes, you may still choose to walk together for a while, but this interaction doesn’t have to have the same intensity and involvement like it used to have. A gentle reframing, a shift into a more restraint way of interacting may serve both of you better.
But trying to force the same harmony that you used to have “before”, well, that’s a waste of time and energy.
No matter how bad it feels to stop singing your old tune, you’ll have to do it.
And the reason is that someone else, that you may not even be aware of, will be so happy to dance on it, while you just force yourself in an old pattern, wasting harmonies on someone who can’t even see them as music.