Have you ever thought which is the most painful event of your life? I know this isn’t exactly the kind of question you want to find an answer to, but just out of curiosity, did you ever wondered which exactly was the most painful situation you’ve ever been into?
I reckon this bothered me for some time. I, like you, had my share of painful events, but, whenever I tried to rank them, somehow, something happened. Just when I thought I find it, had to realize I could easily find a much more painful one. Than another one. And then even another one. At some point, I had to give up.
But, as my life progressed, a subtle sense of similarity emerged. At times, I had what you usually call “deja vu” or familiar feelings. Every time my life took a significant turn, a burst of strangely familiar emotions flooded me. Couldn’t describe them at first, it was just a mix of powerful hope and indescribable pain. Yes, that was the most common denominator of those emotions: hope and pain. And then again, every time my life took a significant turn: hope and pain…
And finally, I understood. It took me more than 30 years to understand what was the most painful event of my life: my birth.
Nobody’s Asking For Your Opinion
And nobody really remembers this event, but just think for a while. Try to imagine.
You spend 9 months in the most secure place on earth: another human being. You don’t have nothing to do but to blossom. You are nurtured, protected, loved. Somebody else is living for you day and night. Somebody else is watching every little move you make and smiles at every single thought she has about you. That’s paradise. That’s where we all want to live. The ultimate comfort zone.
But after 9 magnificent months, something terrible happens: you have to get out. The apprenticeship is over. You can’t stay there anymore. You gotta start living. And an unexpected gate is starting to open in front of you, the universe as you knew it is literally starting to flow away, there’s no protection anymore, pressure is building up all around in short but powerful contractions and all of a sudden you find yourself with no other option than to accept it. Without anybody asking for your opinion, you’re sucked away in the new universe. And you cry the hell out of your lungs once you realize that.
But now you’re alive. A whole new journey is waiting for you. Of course, you’re powerless in the beginning. You start to learn new things and slowly begin to adjust. Your ultimate comfort zone is history now: nobody’s carrying you full time. You have to take care of yourself. To become autonomous in this new world.
That’s your birth. An incredibly painful event. And, to be honest, that’s exactly what I experienced every time my life took a new significant turn. Gradually, my familiar universe started to become empty. There was more and more pressure around and, most of the times without being asked, I suddenly had to penetrate a new gate, into a new universe. And once there, I usually found myself powerless, frustrated and miserable. I didn’t even have the comfort of crying the hell out of my lungs. As a grown up, it wouldn’t be appropriate, you know. All I could do was to try to adjust to the new territory as fast as I could.
I don’t know about you, but for me, each new beginning is difficult. Usually, after one of these “re-births”, there is no difference between me and an infant who’s learning to walk. Stumbling, walking a few steps, then falling down again. Experiencing a lot of rejections and fear. Everything is a burden. I think you know the feeling. But, the really nice part is that, somehow in parallel with this process, exciting things are starting to emerge. There is the beauty of a new realm. There is the enthusiasm of a new accomplishment. The excitement of a new discovery. A fantastic new life.
Just like a child, I learn how to speak, how to walk, how to express my desires in this new world. And just like a child, I’m more and more happy and joyful. Slowly, I turn the new universe into a new comfort zone. I learn, I adapt and adjust. And, in the process, I become a new person. I live in a continuous birth.
The Happiest Event Of Your Life
Each and every time you’re going through pain, you’re experiencing a strange kind of birth. Every step out of the comfort zone, every punch in the face, every lie you’ve been told, every deception, mistake, broken dream, all of these are part of a new birth. Your comfort zone is becoming obsolete and you have to leave it. Outside and beyond this painful territory there will be a new world, a new beginning, a new life.
I think you started to understand now the title of this article. The pain we’re all experiencing every now and then in our lives is nothing but an indicator we’re out of the comfort zone and something really major will happen. It’s the signal that tells you: something different will hit you, dude, adjust or die.
Every new accomplishment, every joy, every success wouldn’t be possible if you wouldn’t be alive in the first place. And being alive starts with the biggest pain ever.
Keep that in mind when you’re going through tough times. At the end of this difficult birth a new life will start. A new beginning will spawn. The pain you experience now is temporary.
Yes, nobody asked you if you want to go through that pain. Yes, what you used to define as your familiar universe is empty now. Yes, you’re alone and afraid. And, beyond this gate you have to go through you’ll find another unknown and terrifying space you’ll have to adjust to. Yes, I know all of these. I’ve been there a thousand times.
But knowing what’s on the other side, anticipating all the incredible experiences which are waiting for me once the misery is gone, all I want is to be there again. And again. And again.