The Most Painful Event Of Your Life

Have you ever thought which is the most painful event of your life? I know this isn’t exactly the kind of question you want to find an answer to, but just out of curiosity, did you ever wondered which exactly was the most painful situation you’ve ever been into?

I reckon this bothered me for some time. I, like you, had my share of painful events, but, whenever I tried to rank them, somehow, something happened. Just when I thought I find it, had to realize I could easily find a much more painful one. Than another one. And then even another one. At some point, I had to give up.

But, as my life progressed, a subtle sense of similarity emerged. At times, I had what you usually call “deja vu” or familiar feelings. Every time my life took a significant turn, a burst of strangely familiar emotions flooded me. Couldn’t describe them at first, it was just a mix of powerful hope and indescribable pain. Yes, that was the most common denominator of those emotions: hope and pain. And then again, every time my life took a significant turn: hope and pain…

And finally, I understood. It took me more than 30 years to understand what was the most painful event of my life: my birth.

Nobody’s Asking For Your Opinion

And nobody really remembers this event, but just think for a while. Try to imagine.

You spend 9 months in the most secure place on earth: another human being. You don’t have nothing to do but to blossom. You are nurtured, protected, loved. Somebody else is living for you day and night. Somebody else is watching every little move you make and smiles at every single thought she has about you. That’s paradise. That’s where we all want to live. The ultimate comfort zone.

But after 9 magnificent months, something terrible happens: you have to get out. The apprenticeship is over. You can’t stay there anymore. You gotta start living. And an unexpected gate is starting to open in front of you, the universe as you knew it is literally starting to flow away, there’s no protection anymore, pressure is building up all around in short but powerful contractions and all of a sudden you find yourself with no other option than to accept it. Without anybody asking for your opinion, you’re sucked away in the new universe. And you cry the hell out of your lungs once you realize that.

But now you’re alive. A whole new journey is waiting for you. Of course, you’re powerless in the beginning. You start to learn new things and slowly begin to adjust. Your ultimate comfort zone is history now: nobody’s carrying you full time. You have to take care of yourself. To become autonomous in this new world.

Continuous Birth

That’s your birth. An incredibly painful event. And, to be honest, that’s exactly what I experienced every time my life took a new significant turn. Gradually, my familiar universe started to become empty. There was more and more pressure around and, most of the times without being asked, I suddenly had to penetrate a new gate, into a new universe. And once there, I usually found myself powerless, frustrated and miserable. I didn’t even have the comfort of crying the hell out of my lungs. As a grown up, it wouldn’t be appropriate, you know. All I could do was to try to adjust to the new territory as fast as I could.

I don’t know about you, but for me, each new beginning is difficult. Usually, after one of these “re-births”, there is no difference between me and an infant who’s learning to walk. Stumbling, walking a few steps, then falling down again. Experiencing a lot of rejections and fear. Everything is a burden. I think you know the feeling. But, the really nice part is that, somehow in parallel with this process, exciting things are starting to emerge. There is the beauty of a new realm. There is the enthusiasm of a new accomplishment. The excitement of a new discovery. A fantastic new life.

Just like a child, I learn how to speak, how to walk, how to express my desires in this new world. And just like a child, I’m more and more happy and joyful. Slowly, I turn the new universe into a new comfort zone. I learn, I adapt and adjust. And, in the process, I become a new person. I live in a continuous birth.

The Happiest Event Of Your Life

Each and every time you’re going through pain, you’re experiencing a strange kind of birth. Every step out of the comfort zone, every punch in the face, every lie you’ve been told, every deception, mistake, broken dream, all of these are part of a new birth. Your comfort zone is becoming obsolete and you have to leave it. Outside and beyond this painful territory there will be a new world, a new beginning, a new life.

I think you started to understand now the title of this article. The pain we’re all experiencing every now and then in our lives is nothing but an indicator we’re out of the comfort zone and something really major will happen. It’s the signal that tells you: something different will hit you, dude, adjust or die.

Every new accomplishment, every joy, every success wouldn’t be possible if you wouldn’t be alive in the first place. And being alive starts with the biggest pain ever.

Keep that in mind when you’re going through tough times. At the end of this difficult birth a new life will start. A new beginning will spawn. The pain you experience now is temporary.

Yes, nobody asked you if you want to go through that pain. Yes, what you used to define as your familiar universe is empty now. Yes, you’re alone and afraid. And, beyond this gate you have to go through you’ll find another unknown and terrifying space you’ll have to adjust to. Yes, I know all of these. I’ve been there a thousand times.

But knowing what’s on the other side, anticipating all the incredible experiences which are waiting for me once the misery is gone, all I want is to be there again. And again. And again.

18 thoughts on “The Most Painful Event Of Your Life”

  1. I am going through a rebirth now (getting divorced and starting a new business). Painful at times, but I feel at peace. Because I know that new reality is going to be so much better and more exciting. So I am excited! Great post Dragos, I could really resonate with it.
    .-= Lana-DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..The Ultimate Guide to Creative Visualization =-.

    • That feeling of being “at peace” is for me the greatest proof of doing “the right thing”. I guess you’re on the right path, Lana. All the best wishes for your new life 🙂

  2. You’ve hit the nail right on the head with this idea of a cycle between painful births and happiest moments. It is so vital that each of us remember that every “birth’ will lead to a happiest moment. And while it is inevitable that we will keep on being “reborn,” I believe that with each birth we reach a newer, higher level of happiness which makes it all worth it. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
    .-= Nacie Carson´s last blog ..The Confidence Effect =-.

    • Thanks for being around, Nacie. We’re here to evolve and that’s usually a tiring thing, as Jackie said above. But it’s rewarding, that’s for sure.

  3. Nice post, bro, and knowing a little bit about what you’re going through right now, I’m really happy you kept your hopes high and you’re not giving up. Life is not a fairy tale indeed, but a succession of good or not so good events. But I just wanted to share the wisdom that an Asian man taught me once (he was raised and schooled with the Jesuits, so this, coupled with the fact of being Asian and also having lived a long and complex life, made him so wise). He told me that indeed the biggest pain (or disappointment) comes from having too big expectations: if you expect too much and you don’t get what you’re expecting you feel sad and disappointed. This is not to say “lower your expectations”, because this will mean you’re not living your life, it’s you’re live that is living you, but rather set your expectations in alignment with what you really need AND can achieve. Doesn’t mean don’t set ambitious goals, but rather don’t let your goals and expectations lead you. In a nutshell: everything in moderation, know yourself and your limits and don’t try to do things just to please anybody or anything ( like a social norm or something like that), but rather things appropriate to what you really are. Not sure how helpful this is, but just wanted to share it and perhaps stimulate some more wise thinking from your side. You’ll be OK this time too, but think about the pattern and about the expectations metaphor. Good luck!

    • I couldn’t agree more about the expectations but I will take a little bit of twist form what you wrote, sis.

      The art of setting great expectations consists, for me, in this sentence: Be fearless, get out of your comfort zone, value yourself no matter what and don’t quit. Setting up great expectations is one thing, adjusting to what isn’t working anymore, is another one.

      Whatever was it was worth doing, that’s my take on it, and I value the experience. Repeating the same mistake again and again, that’s stupid, I admit 😉

  4. I find that I’ve become hooked on the feeling of rebirth. Being able to change things up, apply what I’ve learn and become a newer, shinier, better version of myself is easily worth the pain I go through each time to break out of the cocoon I’ve build for myself.
    .-= Colin Wright´s last blog ..My Magnetic Bromance =-.

    • Always in love with this cocoon image myself. I even wrote a short story called “The Butterfly” centered around this image. Thanks for reminding me of it 🙂

  5. Thank you for an interesting post.

    For me life is a tiring process at times, all this re-birth. Things are constantly in fluctuation, and really like a yin-yang symbol, we are always handling some positive and negative energy. I am constantly learning more about myself and how to be a better person, there is no period of rest…we are always evolving.

    I suppose the trick is to focus on the positive, on what you will gain from each experience, whatever it may be. Just when I think I’ve learned that lesson, something else happens. And you’re right, I don’t want to spend my life suffering or crying over curve balls thrown my way. I need to adjust and move forward.

    Seeing the positive and really learning more about yourself is a process that takes time to fully understand. As a rather impulsive person, it is hard for me to see down the road to a time when one hardship or another will have any sort of positive effect on my life.

    It would make sense for me to explain that right now I’m typing with one hand because earlier in 2009 I fell off a roof and shattered my wrist, while traveling in Argentina. I broke my face and nose as well and have had five operations in the past nine months to fix things. Shortly after I fell, my grandma died, my mom totaled two cars (one of them was mine), my father and sister ended up in the hospital, one friend lost her battle with cancer, on and on. To be fair, I also have to say that in 2009 I also went to Antarctica and South America, moved from NYC to Boston and started grad school with a chunk of scholarship money, my brother excitedly decided to move in with his girlfriend, on and on 🙂

    Ok, this is long enough! I really like the idea of this post and of re-birth, just wanted to comment that the process of re-birth, and life I guess, is tiring sometimes.

    Jackie Rose

    • Absolutely spot on, Jackie! I admire you. For being you, typing with one hand and boldly sharing your experiences. The moment you have the power to face them and share them publicly, they become weaker than you.

      Yes, it is tiring. But it’s not permanent. Beyond this lies a new life for you.


  6. Thanks, Dragos.

    What a brilliant image your words “I suddenly had to penetrate a new gate, into a new universe” conjures up in my mind. Just reading them has sparked my thinking to a different level. A better level.

    Here’s to discovering – actively seeking out – new gates and new universes.

    The other thing that comes to mind is the beauty of our design as humans – as exemplified by the delicate and necessary balance of pain and joy.

    Inbuilt into our design is the promise that neither pain nor joy will last indefinitely, but there will be rhythms – season – as is always the order in the natural world.

    I often reflect on the fact that this seasonality can be artificially numbed if we shut ourselves off from nature.

    Thanks, Dragos. You’re a wise soul indeed.

    Shine on, Robin 🙂
    .-= Robin Dickinson´s last blog ..How to instantly upgrade yourself to a best-ever you =-.

    • Totally with you on the seasonality: what goes up must go down 🙂 Glad to ignite some positive thoughts in your mind, Robin 🙂

  7. Nice metaphor 🙂
    The saying goes how there’s a fine line between love and hate, so why not happiness and pain?
    The choices we make in our lives, sometimes we have to go through pain, and the longer we spend avoiding, running away, the longer we remain stationary. Once we take the bold step through the pain, we come out the other side into a different world.
    Being born into this mad world is not a choice that we have consciously made (at least not to my knowledge 😛 ) but we are awakening. And that, is exciting 🙂

    Thanks for sharing Dragos 🙂

    • I won’t goo too much on polarizing love and hate the same way we do with pain and happiness. Happiness is more of a process to me than a state of being. On the other hand, we both agree that avoiding challenges will make you remain stuck.

      I also like the way you doubt our conscious choice to come into this world. I share the same doubts 😉

  8. I’ve never thought of birth as a painful event before, but I can see your point here and it makes sense especially from a psychological level. Great post!
    .-= Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..Rationale Thinking and the Scientific Method =-.

    • I think nobody thinks at birth as a painful event because it was such a painful one that it was buried deep down in the unconscious mind. But if you think for a while that you made the transition from an amniotic liquid to breathing air, that in itself could be one of the most traumatic events in your life. Try breathing underwater to see what I mean 🙂


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