7 Ways To Drastically Improve Your Social Life

This is a guest post by from my friend Bud  Hennekes, @pluginid.

What does your current social situation look like? Are you surrounded by people who bring the best out of you? Or are you held back by individuals who just drag you down? Do you have an abundance of connections? Or do you constantly feel alone?

Regardless of your current social situation, it’s safe to say that one of the most important aspects of your life, is your relationships. Aside from perhaps your spiritual beliefs,  your relationships have the greatest impact on who you are as a person.

Unfortunately, one area many people struggle with is their social life, and for much of my life I struggled to. Fortunately , I soon realized that we are in complete control of our social situation. I’d like to share with you some ways to drastically improve your social life.

Stop Fearing Rejection:

One of the main reasons people struggle to have the social life that they desire is  because the fear of rejection is constantly on their mind.

“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”
“What if I’m different from everyone else?”
“What if they make fun of me?”

Have you ever had any of these thoughts? If so you’re not alone. But here’s the thing, everyone is insecure. Yes, some are more insecure than other’s but everyone has their faults. Don’t waste a second of your time thinking you’re not good enough. Drop those beliefs immediately.

When you focus your attention on what you lack, you can’t see what you currently have. Realize that no one is perfect. No one has everything figured out. That’s what makes you, well you. Remember not everyone is going to like you accept that. Embrace your differences and rise above the fear of rejection.

As soon as you make the decision to stop fearing rejection, your social life will dramatically improve.

Focus on Quality Not Quantity:

Which would you rather have: a ton of half-hearted-connections, or a small group of really good friends?  I don’t know about you, but I’d gladly choose the later.

Unfortunately, many equate having a ton of friends to having an amazing social life, which isn’t always true. While it’s certainly possible to have a large group of friends who you share a wonderful connection with, true intimacy generally occurs in small numbers.

I know plenty of people who have a ton of ‘friends’ but at the end of the day they remain all alone. Don’t fall into that trap. I’m not suggesting  you can’t or shouldn’t have a bunch of friends, but rather  you should focus on the quality of your relationships instead of  the amount of people you can call ‘friends.’

As you develop more and more deep connections your social life will slowly begin to expand to the place where you want it to be.

Care:

While this tip may come off as common sense, so many people forget to do this. Instead of making their relationships a mutual source of happiness, it quickly becomes all about them.

It’s important to make a conscious effort to be as understanding and compassionate as possible.  Genuinely care about the connection you’re creating.


When someone needs a friend, be there to listen. When someone needs advice, be there to give it to them. When you truly care about someone you’ll often find that that person will soon begin to care about you.

The sole purpose of relationships is to care. :)

Don’t Complain:

Do you enjoy listening to people complain? I know I don’t. When you complain you do nothing but attract more negative thoughts. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, choose to focus on whats right. People like hanging around people that make them feel better about life, not worse.

Although complaining may seem like a good outlet of frustration, it radiates a considerably bad vibe to all those who notice. While a complaint every now and then isn’t the end of the world, don’t fall into the habit of becoming a chronic complainer.

There was once a period of my life that I would do nothing but complain. During that time I also found that very few people wanted to hang out with me. Coincidence? I think not.

Network:

One of the amazing things about being alive today is that we literally have the ability to connect with millions of people all around the world. 50 years ago that wasn’t possible.

Thanks to the likes of Facebook and Twitter we can connect with virtually anyone we want to. We can establish relationships with people who share our interests and goals, as well as explore other types of belief systems and ideas.

Reach out to people. Share your story. Connect.

Over the past year I’ve literally made hundreds of new friends because of how easy it is to network online. If you’re not actively using social media to mold a social life with an abundance of wonderful connections, you’re missing out.

Take Responsibility For Your Social Life:

Take a look at your current social situation. Realize that you are responsible for each and every relationship you currently have in your life. Only when you take full responsibility for your relationships can you then begin to craft the social circle you desire.

Taking full responsibility isn’t always effortless. Sometimes it’s easier to blame other people for your relationship shortcomings. However when you do that you lose your ability to craft the relationships you wish to have. If you want more meaningful connections in your life it’s up to you make them. If you want more friends in your life it’s up to you to find them. Sitting back and doing nothing will get you nowhere.

As human beings we are incredibly social creatures and relationships play a large role in how we live our life. Are you happy with who you surround  yourself with? Or could you use some work in this area?

Believe You’re Worthy:

Perhaps the greatest thing you can do to drastically improve your social life is this: Believe you’re worthy.

Don’t walk around with your head down low thinking you have nothing to offer. Know deep down that you have something meaningful to share with this world. If you don’t know what that is just quite yet, continue to search.

No matter where you are currently, know that you have the ability to change your social life. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, or you’re just trying to make a few more friends, you are deserving of the relationships you want.

You have nothing to prove to anyone, you’re perfect the way you are, faults and all. An abundance of wonderful relationships await.

Author Bio: Bud Hennekes is the new writer behind the personal development blog PluginID (you can subscribe directly to his blog by RSS). His hobbies vary depending on the day but more often than not he enjoys: reading, writing, conversation, meditating, and changing the world.

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28 Responses to 7 Ways To Drastically Improve Your Social Life

  • I like the point to take responsibility for your social life.

    I struggle a bit with reaching out to people as I am a natural introvert and I enjoy spending time alone (lots of people don’t believe it…). I actively try to talk to others and make connections, and I am fortunate to have some really good close friends, but it does take effort.
    .-= Michelle I Taming Time´s last blog ..Feb 12, Time Management at Home: House Cleaning and Organizing Work =-.

  • The one that I am learning is small talk. I have always been terrible with that. I tend to be to serious, to passionate, to direct, to efficient or to philosophical.

    But lately I am learning to see the value of talking about nothing, just for the fun of it.
    .-= Annemieke´s last blog ..Creative Development =-.

    • This is interesting. I am myself am learning that it’s important to know how and appreciate small talk in order to make social connections. I have felt very bored with it in the past and didn’t want to waste the time, I guess. I do want to learn to appreciate it and intend to practice this starting today in order to create more social contacts and maybe even make new friends. :-)

  • Thanks for sharing this Dragos – I am a big fan of Bud’s writings @pluginID (and when he used to write at aboundlessworld.com).

    Relationships are crucial. Poor relationships were the catalyst that brought me down into depression during my early years at college. In a way I am still recovering.

    I’ve read a lot on relationships…from pick-up artists to inner game gurus to psychology books, etc.

    Bud is absolutely right here about self-worth. You need to create value in the relationship, not simply be asking, “What am I getting out of it?” Relationships are an exchange. I believe the PUAs call it Demonstrating Higher Value(DHV) – but they usually recommend this through magic tricks and stupid cold reading games – we have to BE VALUE through our character.

    So in addition to Bud’s advice I recommend also BEING an interesting person, having diverse tastes in movies, music, games – having a passion, period.

    Great, great post! Always love coming here and reading the wisdom no matter who it is.
    .-= Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..How To Create Your Own Self-Hypnosis Audio =-.

  • Let me add some more, because I forgot to mention what this amounts to in the end (this having character, being interesting component)

    Being interesting keeps her engaged: makes her laugh, makes her cry, makes her scared, makes her safe…there is tension….but its a healthy tension – its human dynamics. You want people to feel alive around you.

    But it is a hard thing to practice. I am not so good at it myself. You need to be able to express those dynamics in the same way a person enjoys a rollercoaster. But every individual is different – you know? Some people don’t like going upside down? Some people are fast-movers – they like excitement and outgoingness while others prefer conversation and hanging out in coffee shops.

    But when you have diverse interests and a diverse character, you can “fit in” with everyone – and that is a powerful skill. I know Bud talks about quality over quantity, but having a large social circle shows you are diverse and a generally like-able person. Having a vast array of friends brings out the vast array in you. It is a very important component to any personal growth (and hopefully something I can write more about on my blog soon).
    .-= Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..How To Create Your Own Self-Hypnosis Audio =-.

  • Very well said, and I went through a large portion of my life (late-teens and early 20′s) holding on the fear of social rejection as well; A kind of social anxiety that seemed to take over my life. While it’s often easier said than done, getting out of that rut is extremely refreshing and makes you enjoy life all the more.
    .-= Travis´s last blog ..Misery Loves Company =-.

  • Hey Bud and Dragos!

    Building a social life is indeed all about connecting with people as real human beings. Don’t treat them as stepping stones for your own success, instead, see the uniqueness in everyone and work together so you can both achieve success.

    Cheers!
    .-= Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..90 Day Health & Fitness Challenge – Who Is With Me? =-.

  • Very good tips however I think it’s worth mentioning that it’s also important to let go of relationships that are toxic. This leaves space for both parties to find new friends that better meet their needs.
    .-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Amount Of Time Lived In Happiness & Joy =-.

  • Great post, Bud! I am an introvert and very private person by nature, so networking, small talk etc used to literally scare me. Only after realizing how much I was missing out by not doing it, I learned to enjoy those things and as a result met lots of great friends. I loved how you pointed out various limiting beliefs that hold people back. It’s really not about tactics, it’s about changing from the inside and then the outside will follow.
    .-= Lana – DreamFollowers.com´s last blog ..you won’t love THERE if you don’t love HERE first =-.

  • Hi Bud, thanks for this post. I really enjoyed reading all the tips you provided here about how to improve our social lives. We must always believe that we are worthy, but at the same time care for other people. It’s not something that happens overnight; but with a positive attitude and constant practice, improving social life is definitely something achievable.
    .-= Hulbert´s last blog ..Do Your Blogging Struggles Still Bother You? =-.

  • I’ve found that the more accept myself with all my faults and shadows, the more I accept and love others. By learning to see myself as worthy, I can see others in the same light.
    .-= imelda´s last blog ..Feb 14, The Mock Job Interview =-.

  • Hey man! Thanks for the opportunity to guest post. :)

  • I enjoyed this post – and also the insights in the comments!

    Sometimes I find that people get so overwhelmed with the struggle to make friends that they retreat into an online world. This gives them the illusion of busyness and activity but it’s an empty kind of busyness that ends up reinforcing social fears.

    So another way to drastically improve your social life would be by admitting to yourself if you are using facebook and twitter as a way of avoiding one AND doing something to address the reasons.
    .-= Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health´s last blog ..Ask A Therapist =-.

  • Taking responsibility is a big one! So many say they want to change their lives, but when it comes to it, they want someone else to do it for them!
    .-= Steve @Life Change For You´s last blog ..Three fears. Do not be afraid! =-.

  • This is a very good article and summarizes many important areas that are important. In reading through however, it seems to fit just as much to building self-esteem as it does to your social life, perhaps more. Obviously there are a lot of parallels there as self-esteem would certainly impact your relationships. Great reminders and outline either way you look at it. Thanks!

  • Hello, thank you for posting this.
    I’m currently having serious social problems, I have some friends but I can’t trust them or hang out with them all the time because I don’t want to bother them! I believe deep inside that they don’t enjoy being with me even though they tell me all the time that they miss me and they ask me to come over! I really don’t know what to do! I’m 20 and not enjoying my life at all, staying at home all the time!
    I beg you all help me by posting more of these things!

    Thanks,
    Daisy

  • As far as I’m concerned, I am a nice person and have for the most part being around people of all ages. Because I am a young adult, I would seriously like to be with people who are my age. I’m not knocking anyone who is older than me but at times I have certain preferences.

    I know many girls my age who have close girlfriends, and I am praying about this bigtime. I go to church and am working to get my driver’s licence like Oprah Winfrey who was here in Baltimore when I was a child and met her best friend Gayle I too believe everyone who has walked through life needed a true and real friend. I’m no different. I tell my mother this alot. I want to do for myself. Even in the church where I use to attend I believe many people had close friends only because they grew up together and knew each other.

    Nothing is wrong with that but there are other people in the world besides the ones you already know. I am praying for that for myself. No, I am not dating anyone and that’s fine by me. However, it would be great to have friends of the opposite sex who are friends just like one of my cousins has. She is a Christian too and does not seem to have bad people around her neither do I but I am human. I have a friend who got married I was invited to her wedding two years ago. I do not correspond with her too much hence she is married and her interest have changed. What’s wrong with me as a person.

    If a person goes places by themselves, it is good to some degree but not always good. I want to go places with people other than my mom and sister. I like football and am a Baltimore Ravens fan. I want hookups with people for the right reason to go places like movies, the mall siteseeing trips, etc.

  • For a long time ive been beating myself up that i was no good and thinking the whole world doesn’t like me. This way of thinking obviously would of given off a vibe that would make people want to withdraw themselves from me. They do tend to always say to me that im a nice guy but always quiet and reclusive. After reading your website, it’s actually dawned on me that i need to banish those negative thoughts so positive thoughts can take it place. I now know this would attract a positive social life for me.

    Thank you.

    Del

  • Please give idea’s on how to connect online. I am on facebook but that only connects you to friends of friends at least that’s all I know how to do. Can someone give idea’s on how exactly to go about connecting and making friends online?

  • The satisifaction that you seek and long for will never be found in just any person or good tips on to have a better social life. The love that you desire and seek and true satisfaction can only be found in JESUS. Turn to him and he will show you what it really means to be loved.

  • Love it, thank you so much!!

  • good one

  • I definitely think that your article is very interesting and goes in the right way! When you talk about not complaining because it attracts in our life more bad things , it is thrue! Thanks for all.

  • Thanks Dragos, your description of the fear of rejection is something that’s held me back for much of my life. It took a lot of fear-facing to finally overcome the social phobia that affected me. Not complaining is terrific advice too – after all, it only victimizes the complainer.

    .-= Jason´s last blog ..Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms=-.

  • There is only one Man who Will make you completely fulfilled, and that Man is Jesus. I promise that if you seek him and let him into your heart you will experience rest and Everlasting Joy. I pray that you will take this message to heart and experience TRUE Happiness in Jesus. God Bless. ps. Pray to Jesus about all of your problems so that he will help you like he has helped me always.

  • Darsen Field says: April 30, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I’m sorry, but saying some are not insecure is a fallacy. Kindly prove it as such.

    Also, is it the business of psychologists to say how is “better” or of more value? has this been scientifically proven? is there medical research stating as such?

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