7 Ways To Break A Habit

Habits are a very precious asset. They allow us to drive cars or ride a bike, to speak new languages or to predictably behave in society. But they can also become a burden. Or, even worse, an addiction. Think about smoking and you’ll understand what I mean. Knowing how to break a bad habit will free precious time and resources.

Here’s a list of 7 proven methods for breaking habits. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Cold Turkey

That’s my preferred method, but it doesn’t always work as expected. Breaking a habit cold turkey requires a lot of raw energy. Usually, I start breaking a habit cold turkey after a painful event generated by that habit. For example, I quit smoking after a huge party which of course generated an awful hangover. I felt so bad the next day that I instantly decided to quit smoking for good. And I did it without any effort. Or so I felt, like I didn’t make any effort. Fact is I never had another cigarette after this event.

Breaking a bad habit cold turkey is one of the most empowering ways to handle habits. Because you don’t use any external support you gain enormous power over it. You’re actually become the master of that habit, commanding it to stop. And if you manage to create a successful history of abruptly breaking other habits, you’ll find it easier to do it again. It builds confidence and experience. But it’s also one of the most unreliable ways to break a habit. You may not have enough energy for it or you’ll lack the external support for that. Use with caution.

2. Find A Higher Stake

Sometimes, you do something because you’re simply setting for less. And you don’t event know that. When I was younger I had a gambling problem. I used to practice my risk taking capacities against randomness. Beating a slot machine seemed a worthy enough experience for me. That gambling problem ended the moment I found a bigger challenge: creating my own company. My risk taking capacities found a higher stake. Now I was risking my money, my employees money and a lot of other things on the side. All of a sudden, gambling was nothing.

Replacing the current stake of your habit with a bigger one always works. We’re designed to grow and evolve. And our habit management system knows that. So every time you’re able to offer a new target to this habit management system, it will adapt very fast. If you smoke because you’re bored try crosswords or learn a new language. If you’re constantly late at work, try joining the Marines. And if you’re spending too much money, train to become a stock market broker.

3. Start A Parallel Habit

This method works by pressuring your focus span with more and more habits. It’s like squeezing too many groceries into one bag: at some point, the bag will crash. For instance, if you have the habit of watching television at night, try getting your laptop closer and start checking email. It seems like instead to break one habit, you’re creating another one. That’s an illusion, because you’re not creating a habit, you’re pressuring your focus system with more stimulus.

At some point, your focus will break. You won’t be able to enjoy tv, nor to understand something from your email. And, surprisingly enough, you’ll ditch both activities and settle for something new. Perhaps a walk in the park or some small gardening. Crowding your habit horizon with new and demanding activities will weaken you sooner or later and you’ll end up getting rid of all the habits involved. It’s a little bit awkward, I agree, but it works.

4. Delegate It To Someone Else

If you don’t have enough power to break up with your habit maybe it’s time to bring somebody else in to help you with that. Find somebody who’s willing to help and give him power over your habit. You can do this in many ways. For instance, you can empower that person to perform some sort of physical action upon you every time you’re caught in that nasty habit. Every time you see me smoking, you can pinch me. Or kick my ass. Or just make fun of me.

It requires some extra work and an extra person but it’s effective. I know a case of somebody who just couldn’t quit smoking. He was quite a visible person in his town so after he tried many commercial products and attended many self help workshops, to no result, he decided to put a huge billboard with his picture on it and a very clear message: “If you see me smoking, I’ll pay you 100.000 dollars”. Last time I heard he never had a cigarette since then. 100.000 dollars is a pretty big sum.

5. Pay Yourself Out Of It

Give yourself small rewards. Every time you’re avoiding that habit, mark the moment with a positive action. Yes, it’s a bribe, but desperate situations needs desperate solutions. And you don’t have to give a huge bribe, small amounts, but enough to remember them. In time, you’ll create a new brain connection, based on pleasure, which will replace the old connection. There is a danger however, and as you may imagine, that would be replacing the old bad habit with a new bad habit.

But you can avoid that situation with elegance, by choosing the appropriate reward. The trick is, in the beginning, you can control the reward. Don’t settle for something you know you will create an addiction, focus on something constructive and useful. For instance, instead of having a drink every time you need a cigarette, you could just read two pages from a book. Yes, that could lead to a reading addiction. Being addicted to books is far more rewarding than smoking or drinking, anyway.

6. Isolate From People With Similar Habits

You have no idea how much the environment is influencing you. Sometimes, all you need in order to get rid of a nasty habit is to change the environment. The need for social acceptance – or should I say complacency – is so strong that we’re sometimes doing things we wouldn’t even imagine doing in difference circumstances. So, isolating yourself from people with identical habits will definitely help. And you don’t have to be very vocal about it, start by ignoring.

Don’t go out “for a few drinks” with the same gang. Don’t smoke your 10 minutes break with the same smokers you use to. This is one of the most difficult ways to break a habit because it actually touches your social network. But before making any assumptions, rest assured that your bad habits are pressuring your social life in a far more unpleasant way. Losing a few friends will not kill you, but drinking your life day after day will surely do. If you have the power to realize that what keeps you together is just sharing the same bad habit and nothing more, then half of the journey is done.

7. Keep A Time Log

Write down everything you do during a day. If you can do it every hour that would be awesome. Be sure you’re properly equipped so you can do this even when you’re on the road. Have pen and paper with you. Put hourly phone alarms. And then do this for a whole week. And then, after the first week, do it for a full month. This habit in itself is a pretty difficult one, I admit, but it’s really, really beneficial. Most of the time you won’t need a full month to spot your time holes. It will be obvious in the first week.

Now, after keeping this time log, do the math. How much time are you really living and how much time are you on auto-pilot? If you spend more time on auto-pilot than on actual living, then you have a problem. Now, write the results down, with the total of your time holes really standing out and stick it in very visible places: on the fridge, on the door, on the ceiling of your bedroom. At some point, seeing day after day how much time are you really losing, you’ll end up that habit.

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Do you have any preferred way to get rid of bad habits? Would love to see it in the comments.

Translations of this article: Italian.

Post Raw Food Diet

As some of my readers already know I was on a raw food diet for 9 months. I wrote “I was” because in the last 3 months I decided to quit this diet. In today’s post I’ll explain the reasons behind this decision as well as some of the most important consequences of this change.

Reasons

The main reason behind this decision was social interaction, which was dramatically affected by this diet. When you eat raw, prepare yourself for a serious wave of rejection. And this rejection will come from various sources: close friends, random acquaintances or even close family. This rejection will also come in various forms, from aggressive attitudes to feelings of inadequacy.

For instance, every time we ate out, the waiter put the steak in front of me and the 3 salads I ordered in front of my wife. Every time I had to tell him is the other way around. At parties or other social gatherings I had to explain all the time that I am different. When the gathering was a little bit casual and the hosts knew us, they were doing their best to prepare in advance some raw food for me. I was the only one eating raw, of course. And instead of feeling nice because they were prepared to meet my food demands, I always felt isolated. No matter how many explanations I gave, they were still looking at me like I was a nutcase or something.

I have to tell you that in Romania, the country where I still live, being vegetarian is extremely rare. Meat is natural here. Even those who are eating white meat are considered “weak”. If vegetarianism was so strange, imagine then how a raw foodist was perceived.

But it was not only the outside world who was rejecting me because of that, it was also my close family. Diana, my wife, was not very happy when I started this. She is omnivorous and I have nothing against it. Even if she was not happy with my diet change, she accepted it like any other crazy experiment I did. But after a couple of months, when she realized I’m not going to stop, she really freaked out. I still don’t know why, but she did. At some point, she tried switching to raw but couldn’t keep it for more than 2 weeks.

The bottom line is that modifying your eating habit in such a drastic way will heavily impact your social life. At all levels. The benefits of the raw food diet were enough for a while, it was a fair balance, but after more than 6 months things started to get out of control.

I hit the first wall during my trip to Japan, a couple of months ago. It’s simply impossible to keep a raw food diet while in Japan. Not only because everything is so expensive (Tokyo being the most expensive city I ever been in) but because the food offer has almost nothing completely raw, everything is cooked. So, while I was traveling to Japan I had to make the first compromise.

After I got back, I also had to make some compromise because of the social life which was getting a little bit crazy. In less than a month, I was half raw and half cooked. And after 3 months, here I am, a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, as I was one year ago.

Consequences

There are positive and negative consequences of switching back from the raw food diet. I will outline them one at a time below, but before that, I will try to depict the main difference between those two lifestyles (because being raw is more of a lifestyle than a diet).

When I was raw, I felt like I was a train functioning on electricity. The energy was pure and I had a lot of instant energy. After I’m back to vegetarianism I feel like a train functioning on coal. The energy is not so pure, but it’s constant. The electricity train makes almost no garbage, the coal train makes a lot of garbage (and I’m talking at all levels: mental, spiritual and physical). The electricity train was somehow pure, but out of sync, an alien in the world of coal trains. The coal train is not so pure anymore, but seems to be accepted by many more.

Positive Consequences

It certainly seems that I’m enjoying a much smoother social life. Everywhere I go, I can pass disguised as a normal person. I can eat some eggs, a salad, pasta, even pizza. I’m normal. The freak is gone.

Another positive consequence is that I’m not feeling restricted anymore. During the adaptation period from cooked to raw vegan I experienced a lot of cravings, and somehow this attitude of restriction was extended at other levels. I had this constant feeling of restriction, which is now gone (let aside the social restrictions I had to face). Eating some cooked food made me a little more comfortable with myself and with the whole world.

I also enjoy a little bit of a normal family life. And since we’re here, one thing I really want to mention is how Bianca, our 3 year old, dealt with this. First of all, when eating raw food you’re going to naturally eat far more less than a person who’s eating cooked food. I don’t have a scientific explanation for that, although I could imagine a few right now, but it was just a fact. When I was doing my research on raw food diet I thought it was something related to fasting, but it wasn’t. You simply eat a lot less than on a normal cooked diet. But the downside of this was that Bianca started to eat less too. She was imitating me. At this age they’re so flexible. She didn’t actually said anything but we did some tests and it was clear that she was imitating my eating behavior. Well, while I’m free to do whatever experiments I want with my life, I don’t feel entitled to do the same with my daughter’s life. So, I switched back to cooked and that instantly changed her eating habits too. Now she’s eating what a normal 3 year old will do. Smoother family life, like I told you.

Another positive consequence is that I created some perspective. I was able to close a chapter and identify all the lessons. And it was quite a lot of learning involved:

Habit creation

I learned tremendously about habit creation. When you keep a habit for more than 9 months you learn a lot. I already wrote about that in a post called How To Create A Habit in 15 Days and I will probably write more on this topic. There is so much to be analyzed and shared in this area, from the initial phases of a habit, the relapse, the get back or the long term shot.

Body Functioning

I don’t know if I would have the chance to learn so much about how my body is functioning if it wasn’t this 9 months raw food diet period in my life. I’m not a biologist, not do I claim to be one, but I was able to observe my body reactions and overall functioning and got some fantastic conclusions. Not only weight loss (I even made a chart with that) but sleeping patterns, intellectual and physical endurance and so on. It was really enlightening.

Setting Limits

Another fantastic lessons was about setting and crossing limits. I realized I had a lot of limiting beliefs and this period of my life served me really well. I learned that everything you want it can be achieved. Everything. I don’t really think there’s something I couldn’t do right now. Really.

Purity

Another lesson was on purity. During my raw food diet I realized we’re having a very deep, fragile and pure layer. We’re not always able to reach to it, but somehow this way of eating made it easier for me to be there for a while. I’m sure there are other ways to get there, like meditation or other methods, I’m just saying that I was able to peek a little bit there and I was charmed by what I saw and felt.

Negative Consequences

One of the most annoying consequences of getting back to cooked food was my weight. I am actually back when I was one year ago: 92-93 kilos. I gained those extra kilos during the last 3 months, only by eating cooked food. But there is something that makes me feel a little bit better about that: although I have the same number of kilos as I had one year ago I feel much better and healthy than one year ago. I guess the effects of the raw food diet will last several years. And since I’m feeling much better than before, there is also some planning for an extended exercising experiment, but will see about that.

Another negative consequence is that I lost all that clarity I had during raw food diet. I’m not confused, but it seems like some things are slowly fading out of my sight. It’s like I’m losing some parts of the picture. There is also this feeling of less color and contrast. I think I have to live with it now.

Ant yet another negative consequence is that I need slightly more sleep and food than before. It’s manageable but it’s a fact, I sleep at least 2 hours more and I eat almost double than what I used to when I was raw. Another thing I have to get used to, I suppose.

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Keeping this raw food diet was one of the best things I’ve done so far in my entire life. I learned tremendously. I’m sure I will do raw food sessions again for 3-4 months each. In my experience this is the interval in which you attract most of the benefits of this type of diet.

If we all lived in a raw food world, I think it was normal to get on with that. But we don’t.

How To Create A Habit In 15 Days

Most of our life is lived by habits. We learn how to ride a bike, how to drive a car, we even learn how to speak and read. And then we do all of these with minimum effort and implication. Basically, all of these are habits. They allow us to focus on other things while pushing the routine into background. It would be quite difficult to learn to drive the car every time you need to go shopping, isn’t it?

As any other things in our life, habits are just tools we use in our joyful exploration of life. Habits are not good or bad, they are just ways of handling repetitive tasks that would otherwise require a lot of energy. As such, the master habit of creating / breaking your habits can be quite an asset.

In today’s post I’ll share some of my experiences with habit creation using one of my favorite activities: journaling. It’s a simple way in which you can assess, decide and then implement any new habit. There’s also a free downloadable journal template for you but let’s take the things one at a time.

Why Do You Need A New Habit?

Well, let’s say you want a new habit in order to:

• write on your blog more often
• update your twitter status daily
• write each day a page from your new book
• start a fitness program
• start a new eating habit or diet
• learn a new language

All these new activities are made by some repetitive tasks, a set of moves you have to do daily in order to get some positive results. So until you are proficient in that new language, or until you are that new blogging super star or until you publish your new book, you need a scaffold for your intentions. You need to create a habit of being there. (more…)