The Secret from My 3rd Grade

When I was a kid I was very relaxed. And I mean in school. I never worried too much about it, yet I managed to get the highest grades in my class. Even my teachers were aware about my apparent passivity and they “blamed” my success on my natural skills: a fantastic memory, they said. I was a good kid in school because I was blessed with a fantastic memory. And not because I was diligently studying. That was my secret, or so they said…

The more I think about this, the more confused I am. I did have a good memory as a kid, but not something way above the average. In fact, I think every kid has a far better memory than an adult. I didn’t read much about this so I’m not backing up my assumption with some scientific research, but I think our memory, as a cognitive function of the brain, is more developed in the early years, when we have to absorb a lot of new information and somehow decreases in performance as we grow, to make room for other brain functions like flexibility or information processing.

The Secret

Whatever. The truth is I wasn’t a good kid in school because of my memory. I was a good kid in school because I didn’t care much about it. How come?

Well, I almost never did my home assignments at home. I used to do them at school, just before the class. There was a 10 minutes break between classes and I almost always used this short break to write my homework. Sometimes I didn’t even know I had a homework, so I had to react pretty fast. In 90% of the cases I had better assignments than my colleagues. The rest of 10% I didn’t had any assignment at all because there were situations when 10 minutes weren’t physically enough to do it. But the vast majority of time, 10 minutes was just about enough to get by.

I didn’t improvise at all, while I was quickly writing my assignments. I was pretty sure about what I was doing. In fact, the mere fact of having to do something in a pressuring context seemed to made me act faster and more focused than usual. Every time I knew I have to face a challenge, being it the challenge of finishing my home assignments during the break, my mind was like crystal clear. I really enjoyed during my homework.

Somehow related to this feeling I also remember the feeling of excitement each morning I was going to school. What challenges was I up for that day? What unexpected things were waiting for me? What small victories was I ready to conquer? What tiny but relevant roadblock would I overcome? Would it be a new assignment? Some new math problem that I have to solve? Some essay that I have to concoct in less than 10 minutes?

I confess I loved school. But I loved it not because I was successful at it, I loved it because it gave me a playground for my risk taking abilities. Am I going to finish my homework during the break? Am I going to learn something new? Am I going to get caught?

Even when I was getting caught without my home assignment (those 10% were emerging quite often, so to speak) I had to come up with something. I had to deal with the situation. Either by inventing an excuse, either by facing the consequences upfront. Ok, I will have to do twice the volume of work for the next time. I will come earlier to school and finish the double assignment, no big deal.

And finally, I remember the feeling I had each evening before going to sleep. Yes, today was a good day. I did great at school. I confess that each morning I was a little bit confused and even frightened just before getting into the flow of events, but once I was there, acting and doing stuff, everything felt into pieces. And almost every single day at school was a fantastic day for me.

Playing It Safe

Maybe you’re wondering now why I’m writing about my 3rd grade home assignments. That’s a good question. I’m writing about that because somehow, along the way, I lost those feelings. I lost the thrill of not knowing what homework did I have to do, the excitement of doing it under pressure, the satisfaction of doing a great job and the incredible feeling of self-confidence I used to have every day before going to bed.

Somehow, I started to play it safe.

I started to plan in advance everything, to make sure every single situation is covered. I started to do my life assignments at home. Even in advance. I think I started to spend more time doing my homework than actually learning and living.

Sometimes, I miss the thrill of not knowing what will happen tomorrow. Most of the time, I already know it. I have appointments in my agenda and tasks to be done.

I miss the self-confidence feeling I had each night while I was looking back at my school victories. Because I don’t really have any important victories to be proud of nowadays: every little task is done according to the plan.

I even miss my confusion and fear in front of something unknown and challenging because, even if my day is made out of difficult tasks, there’s nothing really unknown or challenging.

At some point, life became boring. Our fight for immediate survival made us create a highly predictable universe. The more predictable the universe we’re creating, the easier the life we’re living. We’re having a job which will provide money every two weeks. We have a partner who will fulfill our physical needs twice per week. We have a house that we’re going to really own in thirty years, after we’ll finish to pay our mortgage. And that’s for sure. Because we took every single measure to be sure. We’re constantly making our life assignments at home. At safe.

Maybe it’s the society. We have to survive. We have to push harder and become richer so we can pay our mortgages, get a bigger and fancier car and spend our holidays in exotic places with names that we couldn’t really spell. We have to provide and be accountable for our own contribution.

Or maybe we just get scared. Maybe it’s the fear of death which makes us surround with beautiful and shiny distractions just to avoid the very dreadful thought of physical destruction. By playing it safe we’re creating the illusion of security and predictability.

No Risk It, No Biscuit

Alas, there is no such thing as security. There is no such thing as predictability either. Security is an illusion invented by  insurance companies.

Fact is we’re vulnerable. We’re exposed to dangers every single second. Our life is not predictable, although by starting to do our assignments at home we’re creating this illusion.

You may wake up one day to realize that planes aren’t flying anymore because of a big volcano with an impossible name from a country half frozen. The sky is filled with smoke. The sky is not safe anymore.

Or you may wake up learning that your partner is not the person you though he/she was. Just like that, in a split second, you realize you invested yourself in the wrong partner. Your emotional life is not safe anymore.

Or you may learn from your bank that inflation made your life savings worth a nickel. Or nothing. You thought you’re covered for many years, but all of a sudden you have to start doing your money assignment again. Your financial life is not safe anymore.

And, as surprising and difficult to accept as it may seem, that’s the beauty of it.

The truth is life is what’s happening while you’re making plans. The secret we’re constantly forgetting is that life is what happens on that fragile line between defeat and victory. Life is about taking risks, embracing challenges and overcoming limitations. And you really can’t overcome limitations if you’re playing it safe. Doing your assignments at home, far from the noise and surprises of the real life, trying to prevent bad things to happen or desperately predicting every single bad outcome and avoiding it, will not make you more alive. This will push you deeper and deeper in the illusion of security, while constantly weakening your risk taking muscles second by second.

Until one day you realize you’re not excited about life anymore. You lost that secret along the way. You’re not going to bed happy about the victories you had during the day. You’re not starting your mornings eagerly waiting for some unexpected challenge. You’re not experiencing the thrill of coping with unknown assignments, focusing with a crystal clear mind and getting better and better.

Every time I get these feelings of boredom, limitation and frustration, I simply recall some of my 3rd grade victories. Now you know my secret.

7 Reasons To Enjoy Life More

Too often we forget why we’re here. Caught in an endless, empty race without a real prize, we run each day trying to fulfill our own expectations, other people’s expectations, or just simply blindly following rules we don’t understand. We forgot what is the real reason of our existence: to enjoy it. To breathe life every second and thrill with it. Here’s a list of 7 simple reasons to enjoy life even in the fastest, emptiest, dullest and mindless race we chose to run.

Beginnings

Every little thing we start is a creation. A miracle by itself. Think for a second: before we activate the Universe to make it happen, there is nothing there. Picture a cup of coffee in your mind. Before you pour the water, add the brown powder and put some heat on it, there is nothing there. Separated pieces of matter, drifting around in your environment, without any intention to glue them together. It was you who changed this and manifested a cup of coffee where there was nothing before.

I am a big fan of beginnings. I am addicted to them. Every time I start something, I enjoy my creative super powers. Because there’s no need to start big, in order to enjoy your creative super powers, all you need is to start. Size has nothing to do with beginnings: even the biggest journey started with only one step. That atomic action, that infinitesimal shift in the current texture of the Universe, this incredible small intention, that is a magical thing. Putting together separated pieces of your environment and transform them into something new, that is enchanting.

Beginnings are filling us with enthusiasm, passion and eagerness. Every time we start doing something, being it a cup of coffee or a new relationship, being it a walk in the park or circling around the word, we’re using our divine, immortal persona. Just make sure you realize that next time you’re making coffee.

People You Love

You may be sad, but when they are around, you’re happy. You may be struggling with financial difficulties, but when you think at them, everything seems easy. You may  be stumbling in the darkest depression and yet, only by thinking at them, your path seem a little bit clearer. They are the people you love. They are the ones who’re making you abandon your own wishes, in an unspeakably happy surrender to something bigger than you. They are sometimes your only reason to live.

Have you thought what makes you love them? What are the reason behind your love? I hope you didn’t find the answer. Because you don’t need one. You just love them. Loving somebody is outside reason, outside logic, beyond our analytical understanding of the world. Love is our greatest mystery and the people we love are its messengers. They tend to arrive at impossible moments in our lives and destroy all the solid foundations we thought we had. Only to build new, better and stronger ones.

Life is not easy. It can pull you in different directions and suck the last drop of energy out of you. And yet, in the most desert period of your existence, you’ll still have somebody to love. The moment you stopped loving other people, you stopped loving yourself. And without love, yes, life is empty, dull and mindless.

Creating Value

You do have a talent. Something that is unique to you. It doesn’t need to follow social rules or be converted into a career. It’s just something you’re great at. Every time you do that, every time you’re performing that special talent of yours, you’re creating value. It may be just that you make people laugh. Or comfort them by speaking. Or dancing. Or writing. Something that just flows through you and reach other people almost effortless. Creating value is what gives you a sense of usefulness and presence.

I love creating value. I love mastering different skills. I love the feelings I have when something I did proves useful for somebody else. Lately, this happens on this blog. People email me and tell me they felt motivated by my writing. Sometimes, they are even old friends who almost lost contact and incidentally found me while browsing the net. Every time I have one of those moments I feel fulfilled. A deep, strong and almost explosive emotion, leaving me thrilled and filled with adrenaline.

Making yourself useful to other people is drastically underrated in our modern society. A sense of blind ego and empty performance has replaced this natural flow: it doesn’t matter how you can make people happy with what you do, but rather what you get in return. No wonder you can’t enjoy life in such a limiting mindset.

Enjoying Value Created By Other People

When was the last time you felt inspired while listening to good music? Or watching an excellent movie? Or just enjoying new, simple yet elegant clothes? Or eating out deliciously at a nice restaurant, on a magical summer evening? On any of these occasions you were enjoying value created by other people. Somebody else created that music, imagined those clothes, made that movie, prepared that dinner. Somebody else used his or her unique talent and made you feel special.

I love to enjoy value created by other people. It gives me a sense of connection and validation. I feel like I am part of something bigger. Somewhere, somehow, there is a master plan and I am part of it. I mean something. Somebody took his time and skills and imagination and created something for me. I am enriched by that thing. I am better and I feel better while enjoying it. And I am also sending my respect to the creators. Refusing this flow of good stuff that comes to me is just against nature.

Living a life of abstinence in the name of fake modesty is so frustrating. Disconnecting from other people while waiting to transcend some twisted, invisible layers of “limiting” pressure is simply stupid. I do experience some abstinence every now and then, but only as an appetizer: makes the whole thing taste so much better.

Your Current Moment

Being in the current moment is a magic experience. And like any other magic it doesn’t require more of this world, but rather less. In order to really be in the current moment, you don’t need to learn something new, but get rid of what you already know. Leave back your worries, your frustrations, your memories and just stay here. Enjoy what you see. What you feel. What you hear or touch. You are designed for this specific experience, not for worrying and stacking frustration over frustration until you crack up.

Being in the current moment doesn’t have anything to do with positive or negative emotions. Anger or joy are two faces of the same coin. Being in the current moment while you’re angry has the same result as being in the current moment while you’re joyful. Rejecting what you feel because it’s “wrong” will simply kill the current moment and replace it with some mental notion about it. Instead of living your moment, you’ll live your theoretical notion about what you “should” feel., repressing the genuine feeling. And that’s so tasteless and dead.

The current moment is the only moment you have. As fragile as it is, it has this enormous power of making you alive. Don’t suffocate it with unnecessary garbage from the past, or with volatile worries about the future. Everything you have and need is right here. Right now.

The Unexpected

One of the most popular and delusive hoaxes of all time is that life could be predictable. Life is not predictable. Life is what’s happening while you’re busy making plans. The unexpected is the key ingredient here. Trying to eliminate the unexpected in your life, making your path as safe as you can, will be the only sure proof way to die of boredom. If no challenge will be there for you, if no surprising events will shake your universe, if nothing unforeseen will pop up suddenly, then what’s left for you to do?

I used to fight against the unexpected. Especially while I had my business. Seemed the most reasonable way to manage a business. Eliminate all the possible bad outcomes and wait for the good ones to manifest. Sadly, it didn’t worked out. Apparently, the only way to enjoy a steady and healthy growth for my business was to embrace the unexpected and take advantage of it in every way I can. Without the unpredictable changes in the market, I wouldn’t have any growth whatsoever.

While I don’t reject a solid preparation for starting your days, I don’t think this by itself will eliminate the unexpected in your life. Fortunately. Being prepared when the unpredictable happens is something completely different than rejecting it. So much better to be hit by a wave, and enjoy it, rather than pretend the sea is still.

Endings

What goes up, must come down. Every beginning has an end. And I find as much thrill and joy of life in a healthy ending as I find in a genuine beginning. Every ending is a confirmation that what’s started has reached its maturity. The purpose have been fulfilled. It’s not the ending in itself that causes suffering, it’s the attachment. Yes, pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. Most of the time, though, I find out endings are not painful at all. They’re most like reaching the top of a mountain: you did it, now go down and start another one.

People try to make things last for unbelievably long periods of time. It’s an unconscious attempt to beat time. What a waste of resources. Time allows us to exist, how can you think to beat something that allows you to be. It’s a contradiction in terms. You can’t beat your own context, you’re in it. For instance, people are struggling to make their relationships last longer. Longer than what? Every thing has a purpose, if the purpose has been reached, it’s time for a new beginning. Enjoy the ending and let go.

If you don’t allow endings, you’re blocking other things form manifestation. Making something last more than its original intention will just hurt everybody. Enjoy the end and welcome a new beginning. Like this blog post. It’s over now. Time for you to start something new.