Healers and Hurters

Healers

Have you ever met a person who’s smile is instantly making you feel better? A person who’s talking about weather for 2 minutes but makes you happy all of a sudden? A person who’s doing nothing special but being around you and yet, his only presence is making you lighter and joyful?

I call those persons healers. Maybe they don’t even know they have the ability to heal other persons, or maybe they doing it only for the fun, thing is that those persons are like genuine positive energy islands where I anchor my ship every once in a while.

Healers are altruistic, happy and healthy. They laugh a lot, they make a lot of jokes and they’re usually surrounded by people all the time. People they’re unconsciously drawing towards them because of this ability: to offer unconditional (and most of the time unconscious) healing.

Hurters

Have you ever met a person who’s smile is instantly making you feel the deepest cold? A person who’s talking about the weather for 2 minutes but scares the hell out of you? A person who’s doing nothing special but being around you and yet, his only presence is making you heavy and sad?

I call those persons hurters. Maybe they don’t even know they have this effect on other persons, or maybe they doing it just for fun, thing is that those persons are like black, sudden storms that I avoid at all costs to be involved with every time I spot them on my ocean.

Hurters are egoistic, sad and, most of the time, ill. They don’t laugh nor do enjoy being around groups who are laughing a lot and they’re always in search for new people. People they’re using as an object for their abusive (even if unconscious) behavior.

Hurting Others

Hurting has this nasty habit of self-propagation. If you’ve been hurt once you feel entitled to hurt when your turn comes. Or even earlier, sometimes. Being hurt once is like a free pass to hurt others. They did that to me, right? Now I will did that unto others.

Hurting likes hurting. It’s like a sense of identity. If you see others being hurt you suddenly start to be part of a group, to belong. We’re all here to suffer, right, so I might just be in the right place if I’ll start spreading this along.

Hurting others is, as strange as it may seem, a twisted process of healing. Because you’ve been hurt  in the past, you try to let out the pain and the frustration by loading others with it. It’s like you can’t keep it anymore inside and open your safety valves letting it flooding outside without any control whatsoever.

Healing Others

Healing is perceived by many of us as highly improbable, so we tend to put more value in it than we put on hurting. Because it’s harder to find healing than hurting, that makes it precious. Based on what we experienced so far, we find hurting very probable, hence, receiving healing seems to be on the verge of the miracle most of the time. And that makes us perceive it as something beyond our control.

Healing is a natural capacity, yet the abundance of hurting makes it so isolated that we’re putting on the same level with super-natural. The downside of this is that we develop a rather shy relationship with healing. We’re not really expecting it to happen. We’re extremely happy when this is happening, but we’re not expecting it.

You may not know that, but you are capable of healing other people. Most of your relationships are based on this process. Your friends find something in you that helps them be balanced. Unless all your relationships are based on a domination / controlling pattern, you are already healing some of your closest relationships.

Hurting Yourself

You find it easier to hurt yourself than to heal yourself because hurting is so common around you. It seems like the right way to do. Everybody is hurt, so it must be something normal. Or natural. Or acceptable.

It isn’t. You have a choice. You can accept it or you cannot accept it. It’s up to you. Not up to the person who’s trying to hurt you. They may be in that twisted healing process of unloading their pain on others, but you still have a choice.

The moment you understand and accept that, you realize that nobody can hurt you anymore. Nobody, except yourself. You’re the one who allows things to happen to you. So every time you’re hurt, it’s coming from you.

And you can change that.

Healing Yourself

Healing is the mere process of enjoying your life. A healthy person is a person who find joy in life no matter what. It’s nothing more than that, but yet, it’s so rare around us that we often mistake it for a miracle. Something beyond our control. Something super natural.

Well, it isn’t. Enjoying your life means accepting and embracing it with all that it has to offer to you. How can you NOT do that? How can you still embrace hurting (both as a victim and a perpetrator) when smiling is so much easier? It’s so easy to start healing yourself this very moment by simply enjoying everything around you. It’s that simple, yes.

The moment you understand and accept that, you’ll realize that your own life joy and acceptance will soon start overflow onto others. The simple process of not allowing the pain to destroy your joy of life will make you become a healer.

And by healing yourself you’re healing others too.

***

Which one do you chose? Propagate the pain just because people are used to it? Or go the other way around and start enjoying every second of your life, letting your healing flow grow and eventually overflow onto others? You do have a choice, you know.

Which one is it?



Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner


The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”

And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.

Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.

If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.

Running For My Life -from zero to ultramarathoner

Dragos Roua

The guy who started all this. Entrepreneur, ultra-marathoner, tanguero, father and risk taker. I’m blogging here, but I also spend a lot of time in this marvelous space.. You’re invited, by the way.

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. I like to think of myself as a HEALER and as a person who is surrounding by other healers. I hope I can make a difference in this world because that is what really makes me want to live everyday. Stuff is short lived. But happiness spread to the corners of the world is amazing.

    Thanks for digging into this topic and spreading your thoughts.

    Dave Damron
    LifeExcursion
    .-= Dave – LifeExcursion´s last blog ..ManvsFat : Adam Baker Kicking Ass by Losing It =-.

    1. Well, Dave, this is a wonderful feeling, to perceive yourself as a healer. And I bet the feelings you get back from others are even more empowering 🙂

  2. And by hurting you they are perpetuating a cycle that goes on and on and on. Because no one starts out as a hurter do they?

    1. Great point and one that can never be stressed enough: we’re not starting as hurters, a kid doesn’t know what this is. We learn to hurt (and to be hurt) along the way…

    1. Thanks for being around, Alex and good luck with a new blog. That’s one good reason to start a blog: “to start listening to myself” 🙂

  3. I used to have a client who was an energy vampire. She sucked me dry every time I saw her. She did it to everyone she met. Before she would answer the phone or the door, she made herself cry deliberately, to gain maximum sympathy. It took lots of deep breathing to get through an hour with her. Yes, she was hurting and yes, she liked to hurt back. I tried to help her, even gave her reiki healing. She sapped too much of my energy. Luckily she is no longer a client; she moved away.

    My son is a natural healer.

    I am new coming to the idea of energy and healing. It is a whole new world for me. I fell down the stairs last year and broke my back in four places. Ye Gads I was angry back then! But now, I am at peace and happy, perhaps happier than I have ever been. I am a nicer person now and so breaking the old back was a blessing. It forced me to re-evaluate my life. I’m thankful for it.
    Sometimes I talk too much 🙂

    I don’t have a blog for you to link to. Maybe one day…..
    Jan

    1. Jan, I know the feeling very well. I used to be surrounded by energy vampires and people who were doing anything to suck up the energy of others. Going away and never look back is the best strategy in these cases.

      As for hurting as a signal of a better life, as in your story, yes, it might be the case, as long as we don’t perpetuate it. I myself had very strong signals in form of illnesses and I’ve always been better when I acknowledged it and move on. Hurting is sometimes a better path but only if we take it as a strong signal we’re on the wrong path and change course.

      Oh, and why don’t you start a blog right away? Since you’re overflowing with words anyway (as I wouldn’t say you talk too much 😉 )…

      1. Hmmm. Agreed. I took the accident, the falling down the stairs, as an explosion of angry energy. Someone out there was angry with me! Me? Sweet little me? Harrumph! Bah. I have changed so much since the accident. Before, I was selfish, a drunk, and no spirituality at all. Since then I have become infinitely less selfish and have gained a huge insight into spirituality. Sadly I am still a drunk!
        XX

  4. I find it hard to answer the question.I know there are several people I’ve hurt very deeply over the years through my actions (or inactions). Yet I would say I choose to be a healer rather than a hurter and other people also tell me this.

    I guess it’s not black and white and there are some we attract into our lives to heal (or be healed by them) and others to hurt (or be hurt). Then again … without any hurt in the world there would be no place for healers.
    .-= Ian | Quantum Learning´s last blog ..For What Greatness Were You Born? =-.

    1. I didn’t think at this, Ian, I have to admit. Healing wouldn’t be possible without hurting… What would you do / be in a world without pain? Is this pain necessary? It’s just an illusion, like a pointer to a specific path, disguised in something so powerful that we can’t ignore it?

      You made me think 🙂

  5. Dragos,
    It’s been a while since I enjoyed your last post, like 3 days now 😉
    Anyhow, I like your analogy here, the instant you get it is the second
    you see the world from a different perspective, just like that.
    Perfect example of transformative learning…

    1. Thanks for the nice words and glad you enjoy being around here. Same thing for me having you around here, lots of positive energies emerging from you 🙂

  6. Dragos, what an interesting and intriguing concept. Honestly, I have never considered things in this exact light before. The two titles you chose, hunters and healers, each have a very distinct tone which puts real emphasis on the contrast.

    Obviously, I prefer to think of myself as a healer, but I would say that what really matters is how others see me. We all have different faces we are capable of showing. I choose to paint myself into the role of a healer, and hope that is how I am viewed.
    .-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Are You Pursuing Your Passion or Just Being Practical? =-.

    1. Absolutely true, Jonathan, it’s not how much we show of ourselves but how much we’re perceived as. If one got the habit of hurting himslef, many of the peopke around will appear as hurters, no matter what…

  7. ok, Guys I have to say we are all healers and hurters at some point. You know why???
    I have had good friends right until they decided they thought they were in love. Now, when I was not in love with them opposed to loving them as friends, things got complicated.I didn’t ask for it.
    But the one thing I learned is when the opposite sex proclaims interest and you do not feel the same way~you have to accept you have lost a friend. Staying in contact only encourages the other person there is hope.He/she will not go on with their live. This is what I learned the hard way.I have lost a lot of good male friends this way.
    .-= Bunnygotblog´s last blog ..Come To The Carnival =-.

    1. Totally right, we’re all playing those roles at some points in our life, and sometimes we switch between them even towards the same person.

  8. Maybe I misunderstood your article, but I just don’t see what it was meant to do for anyone. I have known people who made me feel good and people who did not, but I believe that your article overgeneralizes and expresses complex human beings as good or bad, with no in-between.
    Some very charismatic people I know are totally out for themselves. Yet it makes me feel great to be around them-that, of course, is part of there skill-set for getting others to do for them. Some uncharismatic people are pretty well-intended, but they have poor people skills. And then there are all kinds of people in-between.
    A more helpful article, if you are interested in helping and inspiring, would be how to actually help others. How to feel better when you are down and how to make others feel better. That would be inspiring, not reading something that makes you either pat yourself on the back and say, “I’m a healer!” or “Oh, shoot, I am a hurter and didn’t realize; now that I do, this article doesn’t even explain how to change that.”

    1. Hey, Sam

      Thanks for the comment. You are right when saying this article doesn’t give you the solution to change something (if there’s something to be changed, of course). Sometimes I write only to raise some feelings or trigger some “a-ha” moments in my readers. Not everything I write gives solutions. For the very simple reason I don’t have the solution for everything. Neither do you or anyone else. I may have some experience to share in the hope you’ll find it useful, or, as you say, inspiring.

      And what I do know I have is the ability to identify some specific situations or life roles, such the role of healer and hurter, and describe them. Sometimes just identifying yourself with a specific role could trigger a certain action which will ultimately lead to a change. And you don’t have to follow anyone’s advice to do that.

      As for feeling better and inspired, I do have, however, 2 resources for you:

      100 Ways To Live A Better Life
      33 Ways To Get And Keep Yourself Motivated

  9. Yeah…the person who has that kind of peacefull is extra ordinary. But, I believe that everybody can do it with a positive thinking. 2 minutes is high quality time to smile and feel happy. Healing other is a great present.

  10. […] could be related to a deeply rooted issue you have. So be gentle and understand before you judge. Be a healer and not a hurter. To others and to […]

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