14 Ways To Say Yes

Mastering the art of saying “No” is compulsory in many cases. We do have to learn how to say it without offending the other person and still getting what we want. Appropriately saying “No” can really save our butt from a tricky situation and that’s why mastering our “No”’s is so important.

And still, the real power lies not in saying “No”, but in saying “Yes”. If mastering the “No”’s will activate an invisible safety belt, a good, plain and timely “Yes” will push us higher than we think we can. If “No” is the savior, “Yes” is the creator. “No” is defensive, “Yes” is empowering.

Let’s play a little with the art of saying “Yes”.

1. I Do!

If you ever asked somebody to marry you, than you know what I mean: “I do” is a very interesting form of total submission and commitment. You say “I do” with almost your last breathe, still thinking the other person would never ask. You are almost shouting, raising your voice in an effort of being heard and accepted. Can you hear me? I’m here! I do!

2. Let’s Do It!

The practical approach of starting stuff together. You use “Let’s do it” when you’re eager to start, have almost everything it takes, the only extra piece being saying it out loud so the other part can hear it. “Let’s do it” is the ultimate involvement answer, it’s so enabling that it barely qualify for a plain “Yes”, it’s more of an informal affiliation statement:.

3. What Are We Waiting For?

The standard “Yes” of the impatient (and maybe of the compulsive one, but I’m not quite sure about that). This answer literally bury the question and move the focus on the physical action. If you get this type of “Yes” it means the question was superfluous. Instead, you should just move on and start doing things.

4. Hell, Yes

Enthusiastic and passionate, this answer always reminds me of a long dusty road in the desert and a nice bike under the rider. It’s the ultimate expression of freedom, of leaving behind the old version of you and starting over. Every time I hear this answer, I know something fundamentally new will happen.

5. I’m In It

Business-like expression of a partnership. This “Yes” is wearing a suit and it’s quite disciplined. If your question involves some long term plan, receiving this “Yes” could be a very good sign. It shows commitment and strictness. The tricky part is that the other person is looking forward for the same things in you, so be careful.

6. I Was Born For It

“I’m waiting for this question since I was born, dude. Of course, it’s yes. How can it be the other way around?“ This ”Yes“ is always making me smile. Makes me actually visualize the whole process: well, I think I would like to be born for…. that thing! Can we do it? Please? Wow, great, now let’s find some guys to spread the word about it.

7. Of Course

Chilling and kinda polite. This ”Yes“ goes well with a cup of the and some biscuits. Maybe a little break in the afternoon, around five o’clock, but let’s not push it. Whenever I hear this ”Yes“ I’m also prepared to hear a ”but“. I think this ”Yes“ is the most ”but“-prone from all. Nevertheless, hearing it makes me feel like I’m having some very important negotiation.

8. My Thoughts Exactly

Confirming and validating, this ”Yes“ is almost a confession. It’s so powerful that I’m sometimes afraid I actually penetrated into the other guy’s mind. I mean, are those really his thoughts? Wow. Whenever I use it, I do it because I really trust the other person or I try to build a more intimate connection. Which is always happening after this type of ”Yes“.

9. Are We There Yet?

And that would be actually the “Yes” of the compulsive. I admit I get the shivers when I hear it, although I do know it’s funny. But the confirmation level is so high and the triggered energy seems so available, that I’m almost feeling guilty for not going “there” yet. I also think this is the more validating “Yes” from all.

10. You’ll Lead, I’ll Follow

Any “Yes” expressed in this form will show total trust and confidence from the other part. When it does not show a fine sense of irony too, of course. It’s the most uncertain “Yes” from all. If I hear this, I know that although I’m getting followed, I somehow keep all the responsibility. This “Yes” comes with a little bit of extra caution.

11. Aye, Aye, Sir!

Military-like acceptance. You can’t mistake this one as a disguised “No”, in my opinion. I almost always respond to this “Yes” with a relieving “Dismissed!”, just for the fun of it. And every time I hear it, I’m compelled to continue the discussion in short but strong sentences, also know as orders. The nice thins with orders is that you expect them to be followed, most of the time.

12. Undoubtedly

In case you’re having any doubt, I mean. If you’re hearing this, you’re taking off the veil from a possibly foggy situation and acknowledge total confidence. This “Yes” is coming with the sound of a hammer hitting a nail right in the head. If you know what I mean. I think this “Yes” is the most relieving of all.

13. Always!

You know I do, why are you still asking? It’s also a form of past, present and future commitment. If you hear this, your next question may not be necessary at all. This “Yes” is more than often the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

14. Totally!

Unreserved immersion and acceptance. That “yes” is my favorite, but if you ask me why, I’m not sure I know the answer. Maybe because I am that kind of guy: if I’m in it for something, I simply don’t know the meaning of half, I do it all the way up to the end.

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What’s your preferred way to say “Yes”? Doesn’t necessarily have to be from the list above, surprise me . When do you say it? To whom do you say it? Leave a comment and let me know, I’m really curious.

And if you wonder why I chose exactly 14 ways to say “Yes”, well, it’s because I think for every “No” in our lives we should be able to come up with at least two “Yes”.

7 Ways To Say No

When was the last time when you practiced your “No”’s? Oh, you don’t practice your “No”’s? And why is that? Because you’re having a hard time saying “No”? Because you feel a little bit embarrassed by that? Maybe because people will turn their back on you if you dare to say “No”?

With all due respect, saying “No” it’s a vital part of our lives. If you can’t do it whenever you feel the need, there’s something wrong in the system. You have the right to chose your responses and there’s no rule which says they may not contain the word “No”. Well, maybe not always in this rather bare and somehow rude form, but with this exact meaning.

Why Saying No?

Because you really have to. Life is made up of choices and, obviously, choices means you can pick whatever you want. Saying “Yes” constantly to everything is not a choice. The same way saying “No” to everything is not a choice. Honestly putting your “Yes” and “No” on what you really want is a choice.

Too often people seem to be scared by saying “No”. The fear of rejection overcome the desire of authenticity. There’s a subtle, unconscious block which makes you feel like an alien, an outlaw, a loser and a ridiculous person if you dare to openly express your opinion by saying “No”.

I found over the time that a timely “No” is always better than a squeezed “Yes”. And you don’t have to be rude about your refusal. In fact, you can craft your own “No” strategy, which, carefully practiced, can give better results than a dumb, submissive and obedient approach.

Here are 7 ways in which you can say “No” to people – whenever you feel the need to say “No”, that is – and a little bit of background for each refusal strategy.

1. I’m Sorry But I Think I’ve Been There Before

And didn’t feel quite good about it. I mean, I totally know what you’re offering and I know it’s great, but I don’t have a very good memory about that. It’s not you. it’s me.

The focus here is on a previous bad experience with what you’re asked to do. You tell the other part you’ve done that before and you didn’t get the expected results. This approach has at least 2 big advantages.

First of all, it doesn’t challenge the possibility. The other part will know that what he asks was done before. That in itself could sometimes stop the desire all together. People may ask things from you just to see if they’re possible.

And second, you clearly state your experience with that. In this case, a negative experience. From this point away, once you stated you had a bad outcome, the other part doesn’t have many other options. And you didn’t even say the word “No”.

2. You Might Be Right, But My Intuition Disagrees

I really can’t talk my intuition into this one, you know. Maybe rationally this seems to be the best thing to do right now, but I just have this feeling… You can’t beat a feeling, you know?

Again, this doesn’t openly challenge the legitimacy of the proposal: “it might be right”. But it doesn’t validate it either. What it does though, it puts between you and the proposal a safety cushion called “intuition”.

Whenever you use words like “intuition” or “feelings” you make things really difficult for the other part. Because everybody trust feelings. Positioning the proposal against your feelings it’s something perceived as plain wrong.

3. Are You Sure This Is The Best Moment To Do This?

I mean, there are a lot of other priorities on my plate right now and I don’t know if I can cope with all that work involved. Really, is this the best moment?

In this case, emphasis is on the time constraint. It’s not the actual thing that is refused, but the moment. It’s a postponing, in fact, and people are receiving postponings better than refusals. It might be done somewhere, but just not now.

The promise of something possible, even in a distant future, as opposed to something totally out of question in the present moment, is something so powerful, that almost anyone will fall for it. Ok, I’ll wait. Maybe later. Great.

4. That Sounds Fantastic But I Have A Better Idea

Why don’t we just do this instead, I think it’s much more fun (easy, timely, useful) than doing what you just asked me. Which, by the way, it’s fabulous, you know…

This refusal strategy challenge the curiosity in the other person. First of all, you don’t go against what they said: “that sounds fantastic”, but at the some time you throw a little bait: “I have a better idea”. Everybody falls for better ideas.

The best thing about this strategy is that you silently change the role of the other person. From someone who commands you to someone who’s your partner. You go from refusing something you don’t want, to implementing a partnership for something you want.

5. Are You Sure This Is Going To Work?

I mean, it sounds a little bit risky. Why don’t we settle for something more convenient for the moment, until we see how things turn out. How about that?

This challenges the very core of the proposal, aiming at lowering the confidence of the other part in it. While this is not as effective as the first strategies, it does have a decent success rate. Especially when dealing with bully requests.

The approach in this case is to get an armistice until things can get a little better. Usually, the other part will agree, as you don’t openly refuse the proposal. With some time on your part you can then wait for a more favorable context.

6. Maybe You Should Lead On This And I’ll Follow Later

I mean, you seem to really know what you’re doing so I really think you’re fit to be the first in this one. Just go ahead and I’ll be right behind, learning from you…

This is on the verge of playing bad joke, but nevertheless, it has its success rate. Sweet talking the other part end enforcing his leader abilities could sometime create a situation in which he’s already doing what he asked from you.

Pretending the other part is in charge will often act like a magic mirror: they’ll actually start to be in charge and discard your role in the whole situation. The risk is that at some point they’ll want to look behind and you’d better be there.

7. Read My Lips: “NO”

Is that clear enough for you? It’s a NO. Capital letters. Plain, full, simple NO. I’m not going to do this. Period. End of story.

When everything else fails, do this. An open, honest and vocal refuse will most likely surprise the other part, especially if it comes on a history of obedience and submission. You can even get some respect for your strong position.

From all the other strategies, this is my favorite. I don’t do it very often, because, believe it or not, the other ones are working just great. But every now and then there are some situations when everything else fails.

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Which one is your favorite? How many of them have you experienced so far? Of course, if you have another one, not listed, feel free to add it in the comments, if you think it’s worth.

Or you may as well refuse to do so.