This is going to be tough. I can tell you already you’re not gonna like this. If you landed here by some search engine algorithm while looking for porn, you’re going to leave… just about now, because this is not even remotely about porn. Sorry.
Also, if you’re having a strong headed approach towards everything in life, you will be gone by the 2nd paragraph. It will be a little too much for you, I can feel it.
But if you’re ready to take a step back and accept that a topic like prostitution could have the tiniest connection with personal development, then I bet you’re going to leave only after you’ve left a comment. And it’s still going to dislike you.
The Sex Taboo
I have to confess I thought a lot about this post. Meaning I already had it sketched in my head (and then in my blogging setup), but I pondered if I should publish it or not. I finally bit the bullet and decided to publish it.
The biggest concern was not about the main topic in this post, but about the thing which is shaping the modern western society for a good 2 millennia: the sex taboo. Without doubt, the modern approach towards sex is one of the most powerful weapons used to discipline and manipulate our modern society. I think the way we perceive sex has made more victims than the world wide wars and is still hurting us.
Our culture exiled sex in the forbidden realm. It took it from the playful and (sometimes) even ecstatic pedestal other cultures had it, and exiled it outside the rules of morality. Once just a private matter (and close to spirituality), now sex has become a dirty matter. Confined by the socially accepted norms of morality, sex has been convicted inside the walls of the institution of marriage.
This constant interdiction made sex a fantasy, created industries (like porn industry) and damaged generations from the inside. I’m not going to talk about sex here, or about what created this social distortion, because it will take too long, and it’s out of the scope of this blog post. In which, I remind you, I’m talking about something completely different, and that’s prostitution.
The reason I mentioned sex is because the modern definition of prostitution have been built on the sex taboo. Prostitution has been disguised behind sex. There is this obsession for everything related to sex which made prostitution one of the most incriminated activities on earth. Not because you’re actually faking something in the process of prostitution, but because it’s related to sex. If sex wasn’t so important, selling it for money wouldn’t be such a big issue. People are selling things for money all the time.
And this is the core of the problem, this is what made me think if it would be acceptable or not to publish this article: prostitution is not so much about sex, as it is about faking.
More precisely: faking it for money.
Money As A Shortcut
If you take out the sex taboo form prostitution, what’s left? Money and a service. Well, people are doing this every day. It’s called business. Except in prostitution the service is a fake. There is no drive to offer real sex, the actors usually don’t even know each others, there’s only a transaction of fantasies for money. Nobody gives something real and nobody gets something genuine (well, most of the time). The whole thing is a prank. A simple fake for money.
Seeing prostitution as an act of faking for money, and not specifically related to sex, well, my friend, this approach makes a big difference. Because it changes the meaning of this activity completely. It makes it spread into areas you wouldn’t think it can reach: in your daily relationships, in your job, in your thinking patterns.
When was the last time you faked something for money? When was the last time you wanted to tell your boss he’s wrong, but you didn’t because of the money you get from him? How many times you said “yes” to your boyfriend or girlfriend, just because he or she pays the rent? How many times you’ve been doing things you don’t want, even faking some joy in doing them, just because you were paid?
Each time you did this you were a whore. By the way, that’s the paragraph where the strong headed are going to leave, because, well, because… they were never a whore! And this is a stupid, delusional post. No, sireee, not me!
Sad. And true. We’ve all been whores. We’ve all faked things for money. We all thought at some points in our life that money will solve our problems. We all sacrificed our authenticity and joy for a shortcut. We all wanted a miracle to save us from something. And we sold our souls for this shortcut called money.
Too bad money doesn’t solve anything. Only people solve things out. Even if they don’t have yet the courage, the discipline or the inspiration to change the circumstances of their lives. They’ll eventually reach out and get courage, inspiration or discipline. Eventually they’ll find a way to change their lives. They’ll take risks, get out of their comfort zone and create something. They, the people, not the money.
Money can’t buy courage. Nor discipline, nor inspiration. What it can buy is a short term delay. A pause. An illusion of security, until the real problem hits again. And then, when facing the same challenge, instead of looking inside, people are looking outside, reaching for a new client, faking another session and getting another payment. The circle repeats endlessly and down goes all your self-esteem, your authenticity and joy.
Faking Your Life For Money
The real problem with faking something is that you’re losing it. The more you fake it, the farther you go from its authentic substance. If it’s sex you’re faking – in the generally accepted term for prostitution – you’re going to completely ruin your authentic joy in having sex with somebody you love. You may become a fantastic technician – based on a prolonged physical exercise – but you won’t reach to the true nature of sex. You will have probably some pleasure, but not joy or ecstasy. In the long run, you’ll be completely disconnected. Faking will break you down.
That’s the same with every other part of your life. If you’re going to fake your job for money you’re going to eventually lose it. You won’t be able to create genuine value, because you will only do what money tells you to do. And faking for money will have long term effects on you: if at some point you’ll want to do something exceptional, something that will change the lives of the ones you love, something that will enhance your life, but that will initially affect your income, you’re not going to be able to do it. You won’t know how it’s done anymore. Instead, you’ll stick with the money. And you’ll eventually forget how it is to create genuine value in the first place. All you’ll remember is how to get paid. By faking your daily routine at the job.
If it’s friendship you’re faking, you’re going to lose it eventually. If it’s money that keeps you tied up into a friendship, you’ll compromise it at some point. You’re going to fake something, do something you don’t like. For the money. And the real friendship will get burned. You’re going to have just a regular client for your friendship faking session, a client who’s going to pay you for your performance.
Forcing Others To Fake
Faking your service is only one part of the transaction. Because there’s also the other side of it, the one who asks for it. The one who’s forcing others to fake for his own money benefit.
If you’re working with money directly for a very long time, you tend to substitute everything in your life with money (for more info about the difference between working directly with and putting a purpose between you and money, read here). More precisely, you tend to think you can do everything with money. Be happy, for instance. Be praised. Force other to do stuff for you. And even if they don’t genuinely want to do that thing, your money will eventually force them out. You start paying people to do something they don’t want. You make whores out of them. You’re becoming a pimp.
You don’t have to force others to specifically sell sex in order to be a pimp.
If you force your employees to do something they don’t want, only because you’re paying them, you’re a pimp. You force them to fake something for money. Of course, even if they will obey, the result won’t be genuine. It will be a fake. If you think you can force your friends to stick with you for your money, even when you disappoint them, you won’t get back true friendship. You’re getting back a fake, a performance. You’re paying somebody to act as your friend.
As in every whore – pimp relationship, you’re going to be hated and eventually destroyed by your “employees”. No friendship can be bought with money, no truthful relationship can be built by force or coercion. Even if you make somebody follow you for your money, you won’t get back real value: you’re only perpetuating a life of compromise and lie.
The Real Prostitution
The real problem behind prostitution is not sex, but faking it for money. Making such a big taboo out of sex just makes it easier to isolate this specific type of prostitution, make it stand out and ‘fight’ it. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of millions of whores who are faking their jobs, their relationships, and maybe their whole lives for money.
In an ideal world we won’t fake anything for money. Everybody will be well connected with his inner self, will know their powers and lessons to learn and will act in all honesty and transparency. There won’t be disasters, drama or misery. Well, we don’t live in an ideal world, we live an imperfect one. We are faking things for money. Every day.
But instead of accepting this and do our best to change it, we deny it. All prostitution is about and only about sex, so we’re cool. And we go on and on with our fakes. Once again, I’m not trying to touch any morality rules here, this is out of the scope of this post, all I’m saying is that faking is destroying. You’re losing it.
The key in changing this and stop losing your life one fake at a time is to accept it. And forgive it. Yes, we’ve all been there. Many times. Accept it. Forgive it. And then move and and try to do better next time.
Where Are You?
The following question will hurt, as I already told you in the beginning: are you a whore? In what area of your life? Maybe your husband is paying you to stay with him? Maybe at the job? Maybe you stay with your friends because they’re paying your movie tickets? Are you really faking your life for money?
Or are you pimp? Are your forcing others to fake their lives for money?
I can feel your tension and muscle contractions. You’re going to fight me back and do whatever you can to make me understand I’m wrong. But before doing this, take a moment and breathe. Relax. Try to accept. Maybe you were a whore. Or a pimp.
So? Fighting back against it, denying it, will do nothing but perpetuating the status quo. Rejecting those situations in your life won’t make them disappear. It will only bury them deep down in your subconscious mind. The real answer to those question can’t be rejection, this will only make them more powerful.
Accept yourself and forgive. That’s the only way to escape the endless circle. And then move on, be meaningful and honest. Maybe you’ll upset your boss, but you’ll be authentic. Maybe your husband will divorce you, but you’ll live an honest life. Maybe your friends will reject you but at least you’ll see the movies you really like. Instead of faking your life and losing it, you’ll live a real life. With real joy. With real sadness, maybe. But with no more plastic happiness, just the real thing.
So sad that our modern society didn’t put at least an equal emphasis on forgiveness as it puts on sex. Forgiveness needs to be at least as popular as sex. Forgiving ourselves should be an orgasmic act. And should create the same addiction as sex.
Unfortunately, this is not the case. So, instead of forgiving ourselves for being whores at some points in our life, we prefer to blindly accept to fake our lives for money, get on with it day by day, and consider that only those who are selling sex are whores. Not us. Only them, with their dirty sex…
Toldya you ain’t gonna like this.
By the way, if you really didn’t like this, there are plenty of articles in the archives which you’ll most likely dislike as well.
Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner
The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”
And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.
Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.
If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.