7 Ways To Drastically Improve Your Social Life

This is a guest post by from my friend Bud  Hennekes, @pluginid.

What does your current social situation look like? Are you surrounded by people who bring the best out of you? Or are you held back by individuals who just drag you down? Do you have an abundance of connections? Or do you constantly feel alone?

Regardless of your current social situation, it’s safe to say that one of the most important aspects of your life, is your relationships. Aside from perhaps your spiritual beliefs,  your relationships have the greatest impact on who you are as a person.

Unfortunately, one area many people struggle with is their social life, and for much of my life I struggled to. Fortunately , I soon realized that we are in complete control of our social situation. I’d like to share with you some ways to drastically improve your social life.

Stop Fearing Rejection:

One of the main reasons people struggle to have the social life that they desire is  because the fear of rejection is constantly on their mind.

“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”
“What if I’m different from everyone else?”
“What if they make fun of me?”

Have you ever had any of these thoughts? If so you’re not alone. But here’s the thing, everyone is insecure. Yes, some are more insecure than other’s but everyone has their faults. Don’t waste a second of your time thinking you’re not good enough. Drop those beliefs immediately.

When you focus your attention on what you lack, you can’t see what you currently have. Realize that no one is perfect. No one has everything figured out. That’s what makes you, well you. Remember not everyone is going to like you accept that. Embrace your differences and rise above the fear of rejection.

As soon as you make the decision to stop fearing rejection, your social life will dramatically improve.

Focus on Quality Not Quantity:

Which would you rather have: a ton of half-hearted-connections, or a small group of really good friends?  I don’t know about you, but I’d gladly choose the later.

Unfortunately, many equate having a ton of friends to having an amazing social life, which isn’t always true. While it’s certainly possible to have a large group of friends who you share a wonderful connection with, true intimacy generally occurs in small numbers.

I know plenty of people who have a ton of ‘friends’ but at the end of the day they remain all alone. Don’t fall into that trap. I’m not suggesting  you can’t or shouldn’t have a bunch of friends, but rather  you should focus on the quality of your relationships instead of  the amount of people you can call ‘friends.’

As you develop more and more deep connections your social life will slowly begin to expand to the place where you want it to be.

Care:

While this tip may come off as common sense, so many people forget to do this. Instead of making their relationships a mutual source of happiness, it quickly becomes all about them.

It’s important to make a conscious effort to be as understanding and compassionate as possible.  Genuinely care about the connection you’re creating.

When someone needs a friend, be there to listen. When someone needs advice, be there to give it to them. When you truly care about someone you’ll often find that that person will soon begin to care about you.

The sole purpose of relationships is to care.

Don’t Complain:

Do you enjoy listening to people complain? I know I don’t. When you complain you do nothing but attract more negative thoughts. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, choose to focus on whats right. People like hanging around people that make them feel better about life, not worse.

Although complaining may seem like a good outlet of frustration, it radiates a considerably bad vibe to all those who notice. While a complaint every now and then isn’t the end of the world, don’t fall into the habit of becoming a chronic complainer.

There was once a period of my life that I would do nothing but complain. During that time I also found that very few people wanted to hang out with me. Coincidence? I think not.

Network:

One of the amazing things about being alive today is that we literally have the ability to connect with millions of people all around the world. 50 years ago that wasn’t possible.

Thanks to the likes of Facebook and Twitter we can connect with virtually anyone we want to. We can establish relationships with people who share our interests and goals, as well as explore other types of belief systems and ideas.

Reach out to people. Share your story. Connect.

Over the past year I’ve literally made hundreds of new friends because of how easy it is to network online. If you’re not actively using social media to mold a social life with an abundance of wonderful connections, you’re missing out.

Take Responsibility For Your Social Life:

Take a look at your current social situation. Realize that you are responsible for each and every relationship you currently have in your life. Only when you take full responsibility for your relationships can you then begin to craft the social circle you desire.

Taking full responsibility isn’t always effortless. Sometimes it’s easier to blame other people for your relationship shortcomings. However when you do that you lose your ability to craft the relationships you wish to have. If you want more meaningful connections in your life it’s up to you make them. If you want more friends in your life it’s up to you to find them. Sitting back and doing nothing will get you nowhere.

As human beings we are incredibly social creatures and relationships play a large role in how we live our life. Are you happy with who you surround  yourself with? Or could you use some work in this area?

Believe You’re Worthy:

Perhaps the greatest thing you can do to drastically improve your social life is this: Believe you’re worthy.

Don’t walk around with your head down low thinking you have nothing to offer. Know deep down that you have something meaningful to share with this world. If you don’t know what that is just quite yet, continue to search.

No matter where you are currently, know that you have the ability to change your social life. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, or you’re just trying to make a few more friends, you are deserving of the relationships you want.

You have nothing to prove to anyone, you’re perfect the way you are, faults and all. An abundance of wonderful relationships await.

Author Bio: Bud Hennekes is the new writer behind the personal development blog PluginID (you can subscribe directly to his blog by RSS). His hobbies vary depending on the day but more often than not he enjoys: reading, writing, conversation, meditating, and changing the world.

Is Your Life Blurred?

I love taking photos. One of the things I really like about my camera is the manual focus feature. You know, when you slowly rotate your camera lenses until your image is perfectly clear. You go from a blurred, foggy image, slowly turn your fingers around the lenses, and voila: you have a brand new, crystal clear image, ready to be captured by a single, gentle touch of your finger.

You’ll be surprised to learn that everybody have this feature, this manual focus. Only it’s not about photos. It’s about your life, and the way you live it. Most of the time you live a blurred life. Everything around you is unclear. You just have enough information to know a little bit about your surroundings, but you are moving in a foggy world.

By the way, living in a blurred world is frustrating. Not knowing who you’re really talking to, not knowing where you are really heading, not knowing if the person in front of you is smiling or frowning, that’s really bad. But this is how it is and it’s pretty much everybody’s story. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, and even now, the vast majority of people is there, moving around with a blurred image of their lives.

And they have this foggy image because they don’t use the manual focus feature. Their life camera is not calibrated. In other words, they’re not using their full potential. They’re looking at a blurred scenery, truly believing that this is all what they are getting from this life. A blurred job, a blurred relationship, a blurred income. They don’t have the courage to touch the lenses and really see what’s going on around them.

Whenever you clear your lenses, something magical happens. You start to see things the way they really are. Some people call this “having an a-ha” moment. Some people call this an epiphany and even other people call this “seeing God”. If you ask me, they’re all right. With the mention that everything was there before, only blurred. Your real life mission was always there, only you couldn’t see it because of the fog. Your perfect partner was there all the time, only she was just invisible, melted in a sea of dissipated contours. Everything was there before, but you couldn’t see it, because you were not properly focused.

Now, what could you do in order to start improve your life lenses?

Make Sure It Still Works

Yes, the most common problem is a broken camera objective. It doesn’t work anymore. It’s stuck. Only you think it’s still working at full capacity.

The best way to verify your camera integrity is to try moving it a little bit forward and backward. That translates in what people usually call “pushing your luck”.

For instance, if you are in a job you don’t like, try upsetting your boss. Or be late a couple a days. Is this really making a difference? Or everything is basically the same, no difference?

On the other hand, if you do like the job but you’re unsure if it really fits you, do allocate some extra time. Work extra hours. Is this really making a difference? How do you feel? There is any change at all in your life?

This type of small steps helps you verify if the camera is actually working. If it’s not, you’ll experience the same type of sensation you have in a dream, when whatever you do has no consequences. If there is any reaction at all from your environment, you’re lucky: you have a working camera. If not, you’re stuck. Your camera objective is broken, you live a blurred life and you didn’t even know. You need to take immediate measures to fix your camera.

Usually, this means buying a new one. Which, of course, translates in starting a completely new life.

Make Sure Your Lenses Are Clean

Sometimes, wherever you point your camera, you get the same result. The reality has the same shape. No matter what you try to shoot, you get the exact same picture. That means your lenses are dirty. There is clogged dirt on the lenses which is preventing you to see the world as it really is.

The most common dirt your lenses can accumulate in time is called prejudice. Or pre-made judgement. If you already make your judgement in regard to whatever crosses your mind, your camera will obey and show you exactly what you think you know. It will show the dirt you have on the lenses, not the reality.

Assessing this can be difficult. You trust your camera so much that you don’t even bother to check it out from time to time. Things are changing, reality is changing. Some judgement that was ok when you were a kid is not working anymore now. And this is something natural. You lived for so long that your camera accumulated a lot of dirt. Clean it up.

And the only way to give a professional cleaning to your life lenses is to go out and experience more. You can’t tell if your lenses are clogged with dirt if you don’t check them out. Verify them against what you thought you know. Experiment. Learn.

Make Sure You Shoot The Right Subject

Maybe you’re trying to get that common picture everybody wants? Like shooting the same old Eiffel Tour you get on every postcard in the world? No wonder you think life it’s boring. Because if you’re doing what everybody else does (or tells you to do), your life will be boring. If you’re choosing common subjects for your life, you will get common pictures.

Point your camera to new topics, try new angles, see if what you get is interesting. Maybe your life picture got blurred because its main subject is so common that you can’t find anything original in it? No courage? No thrills? No innovation? No risk? Well, enough with that! Forget what they told you about how to use a camera and invent your own way. Nobody guarantees that you will shoot the picture of a lifetime, but at least you didn’t get bored.

It’s About You, Not About Them

If you’ve carefully doing everything above, I’m sure you’ll start getting a new picture pretty soon. You may not know if it’s a good or a bad one, but it’s a new one. You’ll learn something from it.

And maybe the most important lesson to be learned is that your life picture is entirely up to you. You are the one who holds the camera. You can adjust the objective the way you want. The lenses are obeying you. You chose the subject, you adjust the clarity and the beauty of your life.

So, think again: is your life blurred right now?

Wasted Power

The worst thing that can happen to you is to realize that you have unlimited power. That you can do anything. That you can create everything you want. That there is nothing outside you and everything is inside, waiting to blossom. The worst thing is to realize that you’re here to create your own life. Why?

Because you’ll face some terrible questions.

Life Purpose

First question: what should I do with my life?

It’s so much easier to live without a purpose, thinking that you have limited powers, that your destiny was engraved in stone and you can’t do anything to change it. Asking questions like “what should I do with my life, now that I DO have the power to change it?” it’s a difficult process. Not everyone is ready to ask that question, and even less are ready to give an honest answer. It’s so much easier to put your entire life on somebody else’s plate.

Put it on your parents, they didn’t love you when you were a kid. Put it on the system, it’s making you a 9 to 5 slave. Put it on your spouse, for being lazy or angry or unconsidered. Put on your kids are they are here to steal your precious time, a time that you would otherwise spend on meaningless tv shows or useless gossip.

It’s easier to put the guilt on somebody else, it will free your consciousness and ease your pain. Why live a life with a purpose when there are so many difficulties? Why do something if somebody (your parents, spouse, kids, boss, this out-of-nowhere man) will prevent you for doing it? Why searching for a higher purpose when you can think you’re just a limited individual with limited power and limited beliefs?

Living a life without purpose, without accessing your enormous power is always a safer bet. Admit it: this concept of unlimited power doesn’t fit with your current lifestyle. So, it must not exist at all. (more…)